Trying Not To Love You

Part Sixty

Chapter Sixty

What did he expect? Hugs, tears and ‘welcome back’?

Sonny looked at the closed door and rued the fact that he hadn’t let things play out a little better. He had to find her, try and explain...something that he still didn’t truly understand himself.  But as he was about to follow her, he heard a voice behind him, and turning he saw Carl, who’s face lit up on seeing the younger man.

                “You’re back!” He pulled the unsuspecting man into a bear hug, and Sonny closed his eyes for a moment, absorbing the emotion. It was the first time he remembered being missed, being appreciated, it was amazing to be welcomed...and he almost forget why he went away in the first place.  “It’s good to see you boy.”

Sonny gave a half smile as he stepped back, “nice to be back. Sun and sand only go so far.”

                “Don’t tell me you missed an English winter?”

Sonny gave a dry laugh as was appropriate, but inside he knew there was a hell of a lot more than the weather that he’d missed. He needed to go and find Martha, she’d looked so devastated when she’d run out, but part of this deal was that he’d give her space. He couldn’t force her into talking to him, and would that be the right thing anyway? He sighed, life...family...it was all so bloody complicated.

Carl smiled, “you did the right thing...Michael...he’s backed off.  It was worth it.”

Sonny refused to meet his eyes, “and that’s made Martha so happy I walk in to see her in tears.”

Carl grimaced, “it’s the big picture, that’s the important thing. Look, I’ve been working on things since you’ve been away. I’ve got plans. We need to talk.”

Sonny nodded, amazed at how quickly Carl washed over his daughter’s sadness, “let me unpack my things then?”

“Go ahead, I’ll put the kettle on.”

Sonny dived out the back door, ducking through the kitchen to the utility room and onto the outhouse, throwing his bag at the foot of the stairs, then he opened the door and moved out into the yard. Where would she go to hide? And more importantly, would she want to see him? She’d run off without a coat, it was a cold day, that was his motivation he tried to convince himself. Looking around he headed for the barn, the horses were out in the field, so it was empty.

Glancing inside he couldn’t believe he’d struck lucky first time.

                “Martha.”

She froze when she heard his voice; she was in the process of laying down clean straw in the stables, a job he knew she hated, but one that obviously was the distraction she needed now. After the stilted moment, she recommenced her work, blocking him out.

Opening the stable door he stepped into the box next to her.

                “I know you hate me, deservedly so, but you’re wearing slippers, no coat...at least come inside, don’t do this now.”

She shook her head, “you don’t tell me what to do Carter. You don’t know anything about how I am feeling, you know nothing, I AM nothing to you, you’ve already proven that, and it’s mutual, do you hear me?”

                “We have to talk, have to get on.”

Finally her head snapped up and she glared at him, anger, pain, hurt all evident in her distraught eyes.