Sanditon Season 2: The River and the Man

Chapter 13

Walking through Hyde Park with his fiance on his arm was not exactly the emotional image he expected. Misery pulled at the corner of his eyes and he felt like he had aged a decade in a single season. Summer joy was but a memory and the depression of fall and subsequent winter laid out before him in tedious balls and social gatherings. He did not like mingling with the society of women and men. He had kept most of his interactions to the gentleman's lounge or the sporting field. But now with a fiance and a ward who was of marriageable age he was expected to a degree to participate, but he had only been back two weeks and the tedium of the events already sucking the soul out of him.

Sanditon was hardly a vacation but in going there he felt closer to her somehow even if it filled him with deeper regret. How would they have been spending their day had their futures been allowed to align?

"You seem deep in thought," Eliza said almost accusingly. Sidney was not the attentive groom he had been in youth.

He sighed. "Just thinking of business."

She laughed. "You call your time in the drinking houses business." she scorned.

He chuckled. "You know Mrs. Campion, I am a rich man with an income in my own right." he reminded her. "I did not have to marry a rich older man to get it either." he cut.

"Oh, ouch Sidney, I do believe you meant that as an insult," he said feigning annoyance and laughed coldly.

He rolled his eyes and then turned. "How could you speak of such joyous news so uncharitably?" he asked thinking of Lord and Lady Babington's impending child that barely rounded her stomach. He glanced back to see they had joined a group of other women but being far enough away he could not see who. "I have half a mind to go back and apologize for the slight."

Mrs. Campion rolled her eyes bored. "Slight? Over her not fitting dresses?" she scoffed. "Petty...Children ruin beautiful figures. I hope to never ruin mine."

He seethed. "If that is your wish I would be more than honored to oblige. You are not very motherly in your nature now, are you? Miserable they would be."

She smiled looking ahead of them and nodding politely at familiar faces.

"Then we are of accord," she said to his offer of an unconsummated marriage. She did find it terribly disappointing because he had a good figure.

He looked ahead conflicted by this. "How strange it is to want marriage if one has such a dislike for the condition that marriage provides?"

She smiled. "That is simple, you have connections I want. Being rich is one thing, but I can't get to power without connections to the right people and I think you are destined for great things with the right woman at the helm of your ship." she smiled seductively as if she were actually appealing to him. She had been once, but now he was entirely put off.

"Perhaps you should go into government or politics."

"If that is your goal, then why not be more solicitous of Lady Worcester?" he asked recalling them leaving his friends shortly after Lady Susan had joined their party. "She has all the connections you would ever need."

She looked down. "That is regrettable." She smiled. "Last summer I fear I offended her when I teased your brother's little house guest. What was her name?" she said baiting him.

He turned to face her at the mere hint of Charlotte.

"You know her name," he said challenging her back. "What is it you wish to know really?" in his eyes lay a challenge. If she wanted to know he would tell her.

She looked almost nervous and afraid. Maybe Eliza did have feelings for him. He was beginning to doubt it but occasionally she would have these fleeting moments of panic set over her face.

"Was there an understanding between you two?" she asked her throat tight hearing how close she came to losing him. Even so, she won.

He felt his jaw grind like a vice and he looked around and cursed. "Not a proper understanding but she knew I had feelings for her, and I believe she had feelings for me, I nearly asked her for her hand. But then Tom lost everything and you know the rest."

She frowned. "So you loved that little farm girl?" she said not entirely understanding why this affected her so. Was the girl still a temptation? Surly Sidney needed her and her money and would not risk the scandal of a bad match.

He looked around. "The inner workings of my heart are my own Eliza," he said feeling irritation. "Let me get you back home so I can be on my own way."

Eliza took his arm and smirked. She is in Willingden and no danger to her here.

"Do try better though Sidney. People are starting to think we are not in love," she said trying to encourage him to be more solicitous of her.

"We aren't. When the heart is engaged you start longing for things, companionship, comfort, compassion...children." He realized the words he chose all started with a C. Charlotte. "I don't want any of that with you," he said calmly with an honesty that surprised him.

She sighed. "Maybe we will get there my love," she said holding his arm tighter. "Forget about the farm girl. Your entire family and good name hang in the balance."

He clenched his jaw and had to fight the desire to extricate himself from her hold.