Sanditon Season 2: The River and the Man

Chapter 157

Morning dawned and Sidney could not quell the burning anxiety in his gut. Tom and Diana chatted anxiously and with enthusiasm that quite overwhelmed him. As Sidney observed his sister was looking better than usual with her hair worn in such a new fashion. Normally he would not take note of such a change but knowing his sister and how stuck in her ways, and change of appearance was easily noted.

"You don't look the slightest bit excited," Diana said suddenly noticing his attention and pouted pausing her happy chatter with Tom and Arthur as the birds chirped from the window.

Sidney sipped at his tea unable to eat a bite. His stomach was in knots, and he could not blame it on drink.

He shook his head. "Excited?" he frowned seriously and scratched at his unshaved beard. He had been too distracted that morning to shave and hardly looked like a proper gentleman.

Diana persisted looking at him confused but her eyes smiling. "You are in love with an heiress of course!" she said as if she could never conceive of his tribulation on that subject.

Sidney choked on his tea and winced as the table went silent awaiting his answer. The clicking of cups on saucers and the utensils had gone silent for but a moment.

With great reluctance, he cleared his throat. "Have none of you imagined how her father will look upon my suit now?" he asked pointedly. "I had better chances when I was just an economically recovering gentleman with an ax over his head and scandal at his back." he ran his hand shakily through his hair. "No, it would have looked less suspicious than this. It would have seemed reckless on my part. Now it just looks opportunistic." he said with self-disgust. "I should have..." he sighed not knowing how to say what was in his mind.

His sister's eyes frowned a little as she started to process what he was saying.

"Oh really Sidney, everyone knows at this point your feelings for one another," Tom said with a scoff. Trying desperately to play off his brother's concerns.

Arthur laughed as he buttered his toast. "Well, it was fine enough when you asked Eliza to be your bride," Arthur said causing the table to look at him as if he had grown two heads.

Sidney stood up tense. "Yes, yes, it was fine enough when I looked at my actions as noble." he cursed. "Bloody self-sacrificing." he shook his head. "Lord what a fool I have been," he shouted angrily as he lost his temper.

Mary and Diana looked at him in astonishment. They had never seen such rage from Sidney. They had seen him irate and frustrated in the past, but never like this.

"Dear Sidney, Charlotte would never think the worst of you!" Mary offered her assurances.

Sidney shrugged. "Why wouldn't she? She has thought badly of me before." he dropped his arms. "I can't imagine how she could think well of me at this point. Or any of them!"

Tom dropped his napkin and sighed looking to Mary for direction.

She looked at her husband confused, not knowing equally what to say. She stumbled for words as she rushed to think of something. "When we met her family last early summer they were warm and inviting, and I was surprised to find stimulating conversation in such a remote place and a charming, and warm family. Mr. Heywood seemed a fair-minded man. I do not believe he would think so badly of you." she now said with only a shadow of doubt. "Well, not if Charlotte did not. I do believe you may be upsetting yourself for little reason."

Sidney leaned on the mantle in deep thought.

A short while later Tom stood up after a servant whispered in his ear. "Well the coach is ready, The Babington's and Lady Worcester await us and our carriage has been made ready."

Sidney felt his stomach drop as he knew they would expect him to follow on his horse.

Mabbin ran in having woken early to gather the horses. He had been offered a home by Mary and Tom, but he was unsure about it. He demanded at least a little pay so that he could save up just in case he was ever left out on his ear. And as such, he insisted on helping with all that needed doing. He persisted that he came for work and he would have it.

Sidney admired that in him. He did not wish to count on charity. A boy like him would have long since learned to doubt the consistency of charitable people. He was wiser than most and reluctant to rely on anyone.

"You should shave." the boy said from the doorway.

Sidney looked at him and smiled. "Do you think so?" he asked.

Mabbin nodded. "You look like a laborer whats unable to afford a sharp blade."

Sidney found the mirror and nodded. "I see you are right. I should remedy that."

Tom shook his head. "There is no time now, we must be on our way," he said from the open door expecting Sidney to be following. His eyes wide, both eager and imploring.

Ignoring his brother he turned to go upstairs while Mabbin spoke up in his stead.

"Not to worry Mr. Parker, 'Sir' is faster than the very wind. Your brother will catch up." The boy said as Sidney climbed the stair. "He must look like a gentleman of course.:

Tom tapped the boy on the nose and smiled. "And you are going to make sure he does just that?"

Mabbin nodded and clapped his legs together and stood tall and saluted. "Yes Sir!"

Sidney enjoyed the face Mabbin fit so well in his family. He just hoped the boy would feel the same.

Up in his room, he made quick work of the job as he opened the window for sobering fresh air. If he had time for a swim he would have taken it. But as it was he should not wait for fear he would miss his chance entirely.

Whatever impression he left on Mr. Heywood Sidney was still her guardian. He still had reasonable cause to stay in contact with her and it could not be forbidden. That thought alone gave him hope that all manner of things would be well.

Perhaps they would have the time for a proper courtship after all. That thought gave him hope but worry. Would she even want him at this point? Could she?