SUNSHINE | changlix

twelve

tuesday, two pm
student : hwang hyunjin
signed by : lee felix

"how may i help-"

before hyunjin could even take his seat, tears streamed down his face, his knees buckling under his weight and causing him to fall onto the ground the second he entered the sunshine room. 

felix dropped his pen and paper and quickly went over to hyunjin, helping the boy to his seat before picking up his abandoned items. 

felix observed as hyunjins' hands were shaking but despite that, he still held tightly onto his notebook, the note decorated with bears still evident even as he hugged the notebook closely against his chest. 

"i fucked up."

"how so?"

"i pushed him to hate me."

hyunjin said, not bothered to wipe away his tears and instead letting them all fall at once. he put the notebook on his lap and ever so gently removed the tape that held the note onto the front page. 

a sad smile formed on his face as a bitter laugh escaped his lips. the note being trapped inbetween his thumb and index finger. 

"he gave this to me you know?"

he showed it to felix and sure enough, at the very end of the note was a name written in jeongins' very own handwriting. hyunjin stared at the note again, the smile never once leaving his face as he scanned through the words that jeongin had written and, felix couldn't help but wonder if whatever he had written then still applied after all the shit that hyunjin put him through. 

"he was in love with me."

hyunjin said, holding the note with both hands, careful not to get any teardrops on it because he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to salvage the note if it had gotten wet. 

felix stared at him, unable to say anything because he had no idea what the whole concept of love truly was - was it still love if it was only one sided or was love more of a contract between willing parties? he had no idea what the answer was and he doubted that hyunjin would know either. 

"he was in love with me."

the second time he said it, his voice cracked, so fragile that felix was certain that if a strong wind were to have flown by as he were speaking, the wind would've easily carried his words far, far away.

"well did you love him?"

he nodded without hesitation, his eyes still brimming with tears as he stared at the note.

"he-he's the only one that makes me feel safe."

"safe? from what?"

"myself."

felix scanned his face, trying to find any hint or clue that he was lying but all he saw was a face filled with regret coupled with the slightest tinge of loathing which felix assumed was self inflicted.

hyunjin buried his head in his hands as he tried his best to stifle his cries but when he raised his head, all felix could see was his bright red nose and his tired eyes.