SUNSHINE | changlix

twenty one

tuesday, two pm
student : hwang hyunjin
signed by : lee felix

before felix could even open his mouth to speak, hyunjin fell onto his knees the second he shut the door into the sunshine room. he fell, a loud thud piercing through the silence as he looked down, hiding his face from sight which felix quickly noted as he approached him and knelt down in front of him. 

"i saw him."

three words. no context. and yet, felix knew how much weight those three words carried, especially to the defeated ghost of a person that was sitting before him.

"he looked better. h-he looks healthier...happier even."

"what makes you think that?"

hyunjin still refused to look up but felix saw as drops of water fell onto the floor, those few drops coming together to create a tiny puddle of sorrow. he knew how the once revered prince of their school practically cowered, retreating into a ball of nothing as the omnipresent cloud of gloom above him grew bigger and bigger, scaring those that claimed to love him and those that used to kiss the very ground he walked on. 

vulnerability.

people had always claimed that showing some sense of vulnerability was a sign of weakness but in this instance, not only was it a weakness but it was poison. 

it stung, it hurt and it destroyed everything that people once loved about the boy before him, that same boy who stood so high and mighty before now just a shell filled with doubts and endless worries.

the crowned prince had been dethroned by his own vulnerability.

"he was smiling. i-i miss his smile."

broken.

his voice broke as he spoke, his body further shrinking as he hugged his legs to himself, his head still bowed down as he fervently tried to wipe the tears from his face (but felix knew that they couldn't be stopped seeing as how his tears still managed to reach the floor).

"but...it's my fault anyways."

"how so?"

felix had always wanted to know the full answer to that question. he wanted to know what it was that had happened between the pair who, in their own ways, were seen as untouchable due to their own respective popularities (which only doubled the second they began spending more time with one another).

"i cheated on him."

felix nodded, slowly recalling how seungmin had told him that all hyunjin could do was cheat on those he loved but felix had never truly thought much about it till that moment. 

"i kissed some girl and he found me."

felix watched as he practically forced his words out, his breathing steadily growing heavier with every word that he spoke.

"he confronted me and yet, i fucked up again."

"why do you do that?"

felix tried his best to remain impartial as since after all, these 'sessions' were supposed to be free of any form of judgement but the problem with having a student counsel such problems was the fact that he wasn't just a bystander in these people's lives - he had a role to play as well. 

he saw the effect each action had, the consequences they brought onto those around them and to the person themselves. despite being a mere counselor, he had seen and lived through the aftermath of his 'patients' mistakes or their issues.

"i-i felt like i had to prove to myself that i..."

he trailed off, unable to find the words he wanted to use to express himself. 

"that i wasn't..."

"...gay?"

felix finished his thought process for him, picking up on how he couldn't seem to openly admit it to himself.

hyunjin nodded slowly, placing his head on his knees and hugging himself even tighter than before. felix heard short gasps of air in what he assumed to be hyunjin trying to stifle his sobs and, although he had previously disliked the boy, he couldn't help but fear a tinge of empathy for him.

"have you ever actually admitted to yourself that you aren't straight?"

hyunjin shook his head.

"m-my parents always told me tha-that i'd grow out of it once i-i had a girlfriend. th-they told me it was wrong to be this way and that with time, i-"

he paused, his voice growing softer with every word he spoke.

"i'll be normal."

"and you believed them?"

"th-they're my parents. i thought that they knew what was best for me so-"

"what's best for you is loving whoever you want to love."

slowly, hyunjin lifted his head ever so slightly, felix finally able to see his teary eyes. felix offered him a smile and as he spoke he gave him a pat on the back.

"sure they're your parents but you can't change the fact that you love people of the same gender as you - that's nearly impossible to do in my opinion. you can't magically be heterosexual just because they told you to be."

felix continued smiling at him, rays of sunshine coming through the gaps in the blinds and shining directly onto him. and, like a scene from a movie, everything about him then looked ethereal.

"you'll live your life unhappy if you never get to love who you truly love and i'm sure that you wouldn't want that, right? i'm aware that it's tough to be who you are especially when it comes to people with such a traditional mindset but i'm just going to say this-"

"you aren't abnormal for being you."

hyunjin lifted his head higher, sniffling slightly as he rubbed his eyes, trying to adjust to the sunlight creeping into the room and showering them with a sudden brightness.

"y-you think so?"

felix nodded, rubbing circles on hyunjin's back.

"it'll be hard to come to terms with who you are but i think that you'll be able to do it since after all, you are hwang hyunjin, our resident heartthrob and prince."

hyunjin smiled, a soft laugh escaping his lips, a sound that felix hadn't ever heard from the boy in all their years of being in the same class. and, felix couldn't help but smile brighter, the sound of his laughter a rare but beautiful occurrence.

.

.

oof what's this ;-;; idek what i'm writing anym ngl

also SORRY NO CHANGBIN TODAY JJLFJK he'll be back next chapter i swear ;-;