SUNSHINE | changlix

eighteen

Jisung held tightly onto his phone, his other hand crumpling the material of his bedsheet as he sat on the floor, tears running down his eyes as yet another attack had dawned upon him, his parents adding onto it by comparing him to his cousins and their successes. 

"Why can't you be like them?" They had asked him, demanding perfection out of the tired boy, the spark of hope and childlike joy completely vanishing the second he entered his home. "Why do we have such a worthless son like you?"

Worthless. 

Jisung had heard them call him that so many times before but back then, it never bothered him as much since back then, he had someone he could fall back on, someone he knew would catch him every single time he fell (which for him, was a lot of times). 

But ever since he graduated, he left the younger boy all alone to hit the ground, bruising and inevitably injuring himself in the process. 

He knew that people might have found it odd how he was still talking happily about his time with Minho but he knew that if he didn't hold onto such memories filled with all the warmth that he so longed for in that instance, he would completely collapse in on himself, retreating and hiding until he was nothing else but a ghost that no one could and would remember. 

He had to let go but how could he when that was the only thing helping him stay afloat? How could he when he had been the only one that he could genuinely say he felt the most at ease with? 

Those memories, those moments, painted in pastel hues filled with shy smiles and warm hugs were the only things keeping him sane - Minho had been the only person keeping him sane, warding off every and any bad thing that even came close to Jisung. 

But, he left.

He left without a trace, driving Jisung mad with the need and desire to find him. Yet, despite his determination, he could never quite do so, always being a few steps too late or being in the completely wrong time and place. 

And, when he did manage to contact him, the boy had simply told him to stop.

For so long, he had tried his best to keep his feelings in check, to not crack under the pressure but a human could only hold so much. He could hear his parents discussing about his slipping grades and how he had become less engaged, less interested, in anything they had to say and, although he did feel a sense of guilt for acting in such a way, he couldn't help it - he could no longer uphold their expectations of him. 

They wanted the entire world from him - they wanted the stars, the moon, the sun and the seas from one teenage boy simply because they themselves couldn't achieve such things.

And, with all those emotions spilling out in the form of tears, Jisung found himself unable to breathe, suffocating slowly as a sharp pain dawned on his chest, completely shutting him down and numbing him to the world outside, his ever increasing heartbeat being the only thing that he could hear as he tried desperately to fix his breathing, his phone still tightly held within his clutches. 

Although he knew that it was pointless, his hands instinctively dialed the one number he knew by heart, praying that for once, he'll pick up. 

Please. 

Please pick up. 

"Jisung, I told you to stop-"

"Please. Jus-just talk about your day. Ta-talk about anything," Jisung forced his words out, his other hand still clinging onto his bedsheet as though his life depended on it. 

"Yo-you can't keep relying on me Ji-" 

"I-I know but. . ." He couldn't even finish his statement, the pounding of his heart so loud that his brain couldn't generate a single word.