SUNSHINE | changlix

nineteen

"Just leave your shoes there."

Felix nodded as he untied his shoelaces, putting his shoes on the shoe rack sitting by Changbin's front door. He looked around his unfamiliar surroundings, taking in the scent of pine and lavender that wafted from the diffuser near the shoes (an attempt to, in Felix's eyes, get rid of the stench of shoes).

Changbin switched on the lights, the warm yellow hue illuminating them and the space.

Changbin rubbed the back of his neck as he placed his bag down by the sofa, Felix following suit, his bag leaning against Changbins'. He wasn't used to having people over at his house, the otherwise barren space only being used and seen by him most times and yet, for some odd reason he couldn't quite place his finger on yet, he found it so easy to invite his counselor over.

A soft chuckle escaped his lips at the fact that while he struggled so much to open up to those he had known for years, the counselor boy he had known for a few weeks had completely plowed through his barriers with his gentle voice and kind smile that Changbin couldn't help but find some form of solace in.

He adored the fact that, although it was his job to find out more, he never pried or interrogated the boy for an answer, merely waiting for him to feel comfortable enough to tell him out of his own volition. And, the fact that slowly, he was showing who he truly was without his sunshine facade meant the world to the older boy as to him, vulnerability was something that closed gaps between people.

"Hyung? Wh-where do I sit?" Felixs' voice snapped Changbin out of his thoughts and brought his attention onto the younger boy who was standing awkwardly by the sofa, both hands tightly clasped around each other as his feet were firmly planted on the ground. "I-I've never stayed over at someone's house before so I don't know much about how people are supposed to act-"

"Calm down Felix. Just sit wherever you please - it's really not that big of a deal," Changbin smiled, sitting down on the sofa and switching on the tv to a random channel that provided them with some form of background noise other than the sound of their own heartbeats.

Felix nodded, sitting down on the other end of the sofa as he stared intently at the television as if the advertisement for some brand of chips were that interesting. Changbin stifled a laugh before slowly shifting over to close the gap between him and Felix.

"I-If you don't mind, may I put my head on your shoulder?" Felix asked, not noticing how close Changbin had gotten to him, his eyes still glued on the screen before him (that now had an advertisement for some fast food brand he couldn't really be bothered about to acknowledge at that moment).

Without uttering a word, Changbin gently wrapped an arm around Felix, his hand slowly pushing Felixs' head onto his shoulder.

Felix closed his eyes, taking in the warmth that engulfed him.

In his own home, warmth was something he hadn't felt for a long time. Instead, all he felt was fear — cold, chilling, paralysing fear.

He walked on glass shards, cutting himself every so often whenever he forgot that he had to tread carefully.

His "home" was far from what a home was meant to be. His "home" was a prison cell in which he had a life sentence to serve in.

For so long, he had hid his battle scars and bruises so well. For so long, he had dealt with everything on his own because he had grown up believing that anyone and everyone who was in his life would simply leave him again to fend for himself. For so long, he didn't have an inkling of a clue what love, without any hidden intent, and warmth truly meant. 

He had no idea what home was supposed to feel like.

And yet, in that moment, he felt as though he was finally home.

"I became a counsellor in school because I didn't want to come home," Felix spoke, his eyes still closed. He felt Changbin nod slightly, his grip around him still gentle and reassuring as if telling him that no matter what he says, he wouldn't leave. "I was scared of coming home, so much so that I suggested being a listening ear to others."

He felt Changbin pull him closer, the sounds of the television fading, the only thing Felix could hear then being his breath and the thumping of his heart against his chest.

"I never had anyone listen to me before so I decided that I didn't want to put others through that loneliness — that's why I became a counsellor. I never knew how to solve my own issues but for some reason, I thought that listening to others would help me," Felix said, his voice so soft it was almost a whisper. "I guess, I wanted to give people what I never truly had."

Felix opened his eyes and raised his head, meeting eyes with the older boy who had kept quiet throughout everything he said.

"Was that an information dump? I'm sorry‐"

"Don't be sorry for opening up to someone. I-I'm just speechless because I never thought you would truly open up to me since you know, you're technically my counsellor." Both boys chuckled at Changbins' statement, both of them fully aware that despite their roles, they were both equally in desperate need of some kind of help.

"And Felix?" Felix nodded, signalling to the older that he was paying attention, his eyes still staring straight into his. "I hope that you never feel lonely again and  I..." Changbin trailed off, Felix tilting his head as if questioning what he wanted to say.

Changbin sighed and smiled to himself, averting eye contact for a second before gazing back into Felixs' eyes and, for the first time in a long while, he truly felt nervous — not upset, not mad but nervous.

"Ah fuck it," he murmured, before quickly wrapping Felix in a tight embrace. "I'm hugging you so you can't run the second I say this but I hope that you'll never be lonely again because I — why is this so hard to say?" He felt Felixs' gentle taps on his back, as if telling him that no matter what he said, he wouldn't escape or flee from him. "I want to be the one who chases your problems away. I want to be someone you can rely on. I want to make you smile so, if you'd let me, I want to spend as much time as I possibly can with you and, god I'm horrible at this sappy shit but I‐"

"I'd gladly let you chase my loneliness away hyung," Felix whispered, resting his head in the crook of Changbins' neck. "I'd like to stay like this for a while if that's alright."

And, despite the fact that they spent the rest of the night in silence, they both knew that they had each taken a leap of faith, the silence not unnerving them and instead, reassuring them as they lay down in each other's arms, slowly falling asleep with their hearts beating the same song, a wordless promise forming between them that could be summarized into a single sentence —

I will always be here for you.

And, in Felixs' dreams that night, all he could picture was how beautiful life could be if that promise was never broken.

.

idk if this makes sense but yes
kinda like it ngl