SUNSHINE | changlix

twenty two

wednesday, two pm
student : han jisung
signed by : lee felix

"am i delusional for thinking some good will come to me?"

as jisung entered, he immediately spoke, his words falling out of his mouth before he could even take a seat. 

"what?" 

was the only thing that felix could reply with as he couldn't quite catch his words (since he basically rapped). jisung sighed and smiled at felix before handing him his phone for him to see himself. 

on his phone, he saw that jisung had called minho a few times in the past week and all of those calls were received by the other party. 

"he's been telling me to stop calling him but every time i did, he would always pick up. weird right?" 

jisung placed his phone back in his lap, pressing the off button and watching as his phone screen turned black. felix watched as his friend continued staring at the now turned off phone, his gaze locked on the inanimate object before him.

"i-i'm being delusional aren't i?"

his voice shook, practically pleading with felix to snap him out of his daydream. felix noticed him holding tightly onto his phone as though it were a lifeline keeping him sane. he knew that if he crushed all his dreams of reconciliation right there and then, he could save his friend from the heartbreak of minho (most likely) disappearing on him again.

in fact, he had no idea why minho bothered coming back into jisung's life after ghosting him for so long - why come back if you're just going to leave again?

it was selfish.

felix found everything about it selfish.

"wh-what do you think lix?"

jisung asked, leaning forward with his hands still clasped tightly around his phone, his eyes meeting felixs' as he waited for his opinion.

"aren't you scared that he'll leave you again?"

the sparkle in jisungs' eyes dimmed as he avoided eye contact, staring at the phone in his hands again as he let out a soft chuckle. felix watched how his fingers tensed around the phone and slowly, on the black screen, he saw tiny crystals wetting the dirty screen.

"hey, i-"

"you're right and i know that you are but..."

jisung sighed, more tears falling onto his phone, his knuckles turning white.

"but what if i want to believe that something good will happen?"

he said in a near whisper, his voice so fragile that felix was afraid of making the wrong move and shattering the fragility of his state. felix instinctively pulled on his jacket sleeves, thinking about all the different ways that he could approach jisung without hurting him or causing him more pain than he was in.

abandonment.

felix knew that jisung deeply feared that — even the mere idea of being left behind was enough to cause the boy before him a bout of anxiety. and, in that sense, that was something felix could whole-heartedly relate to.