Fallen Hope

leave

"Okay, what the fuck did you all do?" I asked.

"Well when I went upstairs he took me to his room. Then I called for Alex to come there immediately. I told her the awful things he did and she started yelling at him. I then snuck away." Janey said what she did.

"Well why did you guys decide to quit the band?" I questioned.

"Because like I said last night, you're like my little brother. And nobody fucks with my little brother." Brian answered.

"We didn't want to be anywhere around him if that was the shit he does." Markus added.

"Thanks guys. You're really the best." I thanked.

"You don't need to thank us." Brian assured.

"Now we can go back to Monterey." Janey insisted.

"Uh... I guess..." I shrugged.

We got up and went to my room. Why did she want to go back so quickly? I sat on my bed as she packed duo her stuff. She looked at me.

"Why aren't you packing?" She asked. I then realized it.

"Oh I'm not going back there permanently. I have a life here now. In Hollywood." I declined. Her smile faded away.

"You don't want to be with me?" She implied.

"No, no. I do want to be with you. But I already left a family who doesn't care about me. I don't want to leave a family who does care about me."

"Chris. I'm gonna give you an option. Hollywood, or me." I looked down.

"Janey, don't do this." I sighed. "Why would you make me choose? I want and need both."

"Unlike you, I want to be with my family and I don't want a long distance relationship." She sneered. "So which one is it Chris?"

"I choose here. Going back there I'll loose my best friends and brothers, I'll also be forced to be around Julie, my my dad, and Max again."

She finished packing up her stuff. She then began to walk out.

"Babe, please. We can compromise." I followed her.

She walked out of the house. I grabbed her shoulder but she yanked it away from me.

"Stop it Chris. Get away from me. You chose a place you just came to and already have bad experiences from, over someone you love and who loves you back more than words can explain." She hissed.

"You're right, I do love you more than ever. But if I stay at Monterey permanently, we'll both be unhappy."

"As much as I want to just leave and be no where around you. I need a ride there."

The whole 5 hour drive was silence. Silence except for the radio playing. Even when she got out of the car when we got to her house. Nothing. This was painful. More painful than anything.

I soon drove back off. Every time I passed over a bridge I thought about jumping or just driving off of it. But I knew I didn't have the guts.

I was almost there. But just couldn't take it. I pulled my car over. And debated on what I wanted to do. Jump or drive. I looked down.

I texted Brian a "Thanks for being a more than amazing best friend and putting up with my bullshit. I'll always be grateful for that."

I then got out and walked slowing onto the bridge. I looked over the bridge. Into the water where my body may never be found.

I took deep breaths. Is this really where my life has come to? I didn't want to do this. But I needed to do this. For me. For everybody.