Fallen Hope

jump

I grabbed onto one of the bars so I could climb to the outside. I paused and looked down. I wanted a reason not to do this. But I couldn't find one. I sighed and called Brian. Hoping he'd talk me out of it.

"Hey bro. What were you talking about in that text? Where did that come from?" He answered the phone.

"Because I just need you to remember that you were a really big factor in my life." I replied.

"What do you mean? Why does it sound so windy?"

"Because I'm standing on a bridge. I called for a possible chance of a different thought. To second guess myself."

"Stay right there. Don't fucking move." He demanded.

He hung up. After 10 minutes of staring at the water I gave up. I climbed onto the outside of the bridge. I was holding on tight before I was ready to  jump. My eyes were closed.

Right as I let go so I could fall somebody grabbed me. They dragged me back onto the bridge. I was sitting on the sidewalk part of it. I looked up and saw Brian and Markus.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? YOU JUST ABOUT FUCKING DIED!" Brian yelled.

"That was the plan." I whispered.

"Where's your car and keys?" Markus asked.

He sounded more sad and disappointed while Brian sounded enraged.

I pointed to my car and he walked over to it. He got in it and drove it back to the house.

Brian grabbed my arm and took me back to his car. He put me in the back seat then got in the front. He looked at me through the mirror.

"Put your seat belt on." He hissed. I put it on then he drove off. When we get home you're going to your room. If you're gonna act like a child, I'm gonna treat you like a child."

I continued looking down. He pulled my arm again back into the house. I walked to my room and closed the door.

"Open." He insisted when he opened my door back up before walking away.

I was sitting on my bed. I got into my bag and got out my stuffed animal from mom. I looked at it as tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry mom." I apologized to no one.

But I felt something. That I've never felt before. A tension ran through my body. I saw very transparent version of my mom in the corner of my room. She looked at me and frown a little before disappearing again. The tension slowly went away.

About an hour later Brian came into my room. I was still looking at the teddy bear. He sat next to me on the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you so much and treating and calling you a child." He apologized. He seemed a lot more calm now. "But talk to me. Why do you want to do so much? You have so much to live for."

"No I don't. I already messed up everything. I'm the definition of fuck up." I denied. "I ran away from home. Tried to create a new identity. Fell in love. Broke up because of me trying to be a new person. Was almost raped by her brother. Got back together with the real love of my life. Became the reason a band broke up. And lost the love of my life because I wanted to continue living in my pathetic fantasy."

"You're not stupid nor pathetic." He corrected.

"You're just saying that so I don't kill myself." I insisted.

"No I'm not. I'm saying it because it's true." He assured.