The outsider

Chapter 51

I looked out the window into the lake after I finished getting dressed. "Hey... are you okay?" Sodapop asked with a hint of guilt in his voice, "No." I said softly, "Oh god, Kourtney I'm sorry I didn't mean to-" "It's not the sex Sodapop." I looked over at him to see him fully dressed, "That was amazing." He smiled, "Then what is it?" I looked down at my lap, "Oh... Darry." I brought my legs up to my chest and sighed, "Yeah." Sodapop sat Indian style and took in a deep breath, "What happened?" I looked at him, "Ponyboy was talking to me at the hospital, he basical said I had a choice. I could choose My happiness... or Darry's." "And you chose Darry." I chuckled, "Actually I picked myself." He narrowed his brows, "After pony said that I told myself that it was time to put myself first... I wanted to be with you and get married, but I guess my personality got in the way." He smiled and took my hands into his, "Why did you want to have sex?" I smiled, "I was putting my self first." "It only took you a whole year." We both laughed, "I don't want to hurt Darry, not in the slightest... and the near thought of it makes me want to break down and cry, but I want to be with you soda, and I don't care what has to happen for that to be possible." He pulled me slightly and forced me to sit in his lap, I laid my head on his chest as he held me. "Darrys hurting... but he wants you to be happy just as much as you do." I leaned up slightly and kissed him, as we pulled away I placed my forehead on his cheek, "Now can we talk about the fact that I've been dating a sex god and I had no earthly idea about it?" He laughed and kissed my forehead, "It doesn't matter about the past, because soon I'm going to be yours... forever." I smiled, "Mine and only mine."

As Sodapop amd I walked through the door Darry and Ponyboy stood up from the couch. "Kourtney?" Darry asked I gave him a weak smile. "I'm back." I said softly he looked at the ground with disappointment, "Good." He turned but I called out to him. "Actually Dare I was wondering if me and you could take a walk." He looked amd me and nodded slightly, "We'll be back in just a few minutes." I said to soda, "Okay." I stood up and kissed his cheek before Darry and I headed out. "What did you want to take a walk for?" He asked, I stuck my hands in my jacket pockets and sighed, "To talk. Privately." "Oh." He said softly, "Dare... before Dally died I was madly in love with you. I thought about our future every minute of everyday, nobody compared to you." I sighed once more, "Then after Dally died it went form Madly in love... to just in love." "I know this already-" "No Darry let me speak." I looked at him, he nodded. "It has nothing to do with you... My mind just couldn't love you and Dallas at the same time I had to give one up... and Dallas was dead. I had to focus on him more then you." He crossed his arms but didn't say anything, "And then Soda gave me the pacifier, and suddenly my heart had more room. I couldn't stop thinking about him, and before I could comprehend it you both went off to war. I was worried sick about you Darry the whole time, and soda to... and then he came back and you didn't and suddenly my worry... went away."

I stopped walking to look at him he did the same, "During those four months with out you, something inside me changed. You asked me when I fell in love with Sodapop and I told you it was slow, and that's true... it was slow, but I know exactly when I fell in love with him. When he gave me DJ's pacifier it opened my mind up to the idea of him, and when you didn't come back from war and he did, I could think clearly. That's when I fell in love with him Darry... and it had nothing to do with you, it was all me. I can't express how sorry I am for leading you on... I'm so sorry." I let a few tears fall, Darry smiled and used his tumbs to wipe them away as he cupped my cheeks.

"I've always known you didn't love me as much as I loved you, but don't be sorry for being happy Kourtney. Yeah my heart is broken but I'll be okay, broken hearts heal, and my pain is my fault to... because I knew you loved him, I just choice not to say anything about it." I chuckled, "I guess we're both to blame." He nodded, "Yeah we are." He kissed my forehead, "You've put everyone before your self over and over again, I think it's time you give your self a chance to be happy." I laughed again, "Funny you say that." I pulled away form him, "I actually had sex with soda today." He swallowed, "Really?" "Yeah... he snapped me back into reality and well, I thought it was about time, We are getting married you know." He smiled, "Yeah... it is about time. He's being dying to have sex with you." We started to walk back to the house, "Oh really?" "Yeah. I can see it on his face." "Well good thing I gave in before he went after someone else." Darry laughed and wrapped his arm aprons my shoulders, "You know damn well he wouldn't do that." I smiled, "Yeah I know."