Beyond His Caution (Lost and Retained #1)

Kabanata 21

Kabanata 21

Ikaw Nga

Nagpintig ang tenga ko nang marinig iyon galing kay Toran. I can't move. I suddenly can't comprehend what he said. Para bang wala akong narinig at nabingi ako bigla. Hindi ako makagalaw dahil sa sinabi niya. I probably look like a shocked ice seating here!

What did he say? He likes... who? Me? Ako? Seryoso ba siya? Is he bluffing? Pilyo siya pero hindi sa ganitong paraan!

He literally said right in front of my face that he likes someone else! He met her years ago and she doesn't seem to remember him! I can still remember how happy he was talking about that woman! At ngayon..

Don't tell me.. that it's me?! Ako yung gusto niya? Paano? I need answers! But I'm very sure that I can't talk properly now! Ni hindi ako makatingin sa kanya dahil sa sinabi niya!

What should I do now.. Haharapin ko ba siya? Kailangan ko bang sagutin agad? Manliligaw ba siya o girlfriend niya na ako?

Freaking shit I don't know what to do! Men tried to court me before.. but it doesn't have any effect on me. Ngayon na pag amin pa lang ang ginawa ni Toran pero malala na ang paghuhuramentado ng dibdib ko.

Nararamdaman ko na sinisiko ako ni Lucy pero hindi ako makalingon sa kanya. Para akong yelo na hindi gumagalaw pero malapit nang matunaw. I can feel Toran beside me waiting for a response. I can't give him that now!

Everyone kneeled. Magsisimula na ang communion kaya kailangan iyon gawin. Miski si Lucy ay lumuhod sa church kneeler. Sumunod si Toran at ako na lang tuloy ang hindi pa nakakaluhod sa pew namin. May sinasabi si father pero hindi ko maintindihan dahil sa dami nang pumapasok sa isip ko.

I slowly kneeled. I don't want to be near Toran yet but I don't have any choice. I'm really nervous and I don't know how will I respond to what he said minutes ago!

Inayos ko ang puti kong blouse at tumungo. I bowed my head trying to avoid the gaze of the man who.. confessed to me. Hindi ko pa rin sigurado kung pag amin ba 'yun dahil ayokong umasa.

I felt him near me and whispered. ''Hey.. say something,'' rinig kong sabi niya. Lumingon ako sa kanya at nakita ang mga nagsusumamo niyang mata.

''W-wala akong narinig,'' umiling ako.

''Do you want me to say it again? Hmm?'' he tilted his head.

''W-wala akong naririnig,'' sagot ko uli.

I probably sound like a dumb cat now. Hindi ako makasagot sa kanya ng tama at panigurado na mukha akong apektado.

When I had time to read novels and watch films before, I thought responding to a confession is easy. It's all words and letters. Salita lang kaya walang epekto. Hindi nakakakaba. Hindi nakakatakot. You just have to choose the smartest decision. If you like the person who confessed, then, be with him. If you don't, then, tell it to him as nice as possible.

But now that I'm experiencing it.. I don't know. My mind went blank. Hindi lang pala simple ang mga salita lalo na kung may halong nararamdaman. Words are powerful specially when you say it with affection. 

Nang marinig kong gusto niya ako, kalakip noon ang responsibilidad na alamin kung totoo ba ang sinabi niya. Love is destructive. I have seen love which eventually failed. I have seen shallow relationships but was able to conquer trouble. I don't know what kind of love will I experience but I want to make sure that it will last a lifetime..

Umupo kaming muli nang natapos ang dasal bago ang communion. May mga nagtayuan na upang pumila para sa ostia. If I'm going to continue seating here, it means that I have to say with Toran for a while. Hindi ko kaya iyon dahil sa kaba. Ni ang pag tingin nga sa mga mata niya ay hindi ko magawa.