Quest Reviews (CLOSED FOR CATCH UP)

Abeeha's review

Review by Abeeha

Title: THE BILLIONAIRE'S NEW BRIDE

Author: shyawkwardblackgirl

Reviewer: Abeeha

COVER + TITLE:

I really like the picture you have chosen for your cover. It's gives the perfect impression of a bride all ready to start her new life. I however feel that the picture should be clearer. If you have taken the picture from google or any other online site, just make sure that the picture has to gain the focus of the lens first before you can screenshot/download it. If things don't work out, I'd suggest you to take another picture with a similar theme but a bit clearer. Coming to the fonts used, I suggest you to change them. The sky blue font seems to fade away in the background completely since it is similar to the white colour used. I guess you should maybe use a darker colour to make the perfect contrast. Also, try making the fonts a little smaller. Another thing that caught my eye is that you haven't mentioned the author's name. Remember, you have worked hard with this book and you gotta give yourself the credits.

The title is perfect. It co-relates with the story content and definitely manages to bring up your idea of marriage with an arrogant billionaire. Good job with that.

BLURB:

I don't have much to say about the blurb. It's short and sweet and gives the perfect amount of information for a reader to be convinced to read your book. There are a few things I'd like to point out though:

Leaving her family behind, she moves to New York. life proves... 

Correction: Leaving her family behind, she moves to New York. Life proves... 

Always remember that after a full stop, anything you write begins with a capital letter. 

Richer than you. she finds that out the hard way. 

Again, you have started the word 'she' with a small 's' but it should be capitalized. 

Also, I didn't get what you meant by - 

She finds that out the hard way. 

Something seems to be missing in this line. 

Lastly, put a full stop while writing sentences in quotes. 

"We'll then, I guess I don't have much of a choice" 

Correction: "Well then, I guess I don't have much of a choice." 

The apostrophe in 'well' need not be there. 

GRAMMAR AND WRITING STYLE :

You seem to possess a brilliant vocabulary but then again, you aren't using it to your full ability. I felt that the chapters were extremely short, not being able to deliver the messages they ought to have delivered. A book is mostly all about vivid descriptions, that is why it is a book and not a movie. And trust me, writing good descriptions is very easy if you try. Your idea of using pictures for describing everything was pretty cool and I really enjoyed scrolling through the beautiful portraits but I would have been happier if you  would have instead used your skills as a writer to create a mental picture. 

* There were too many typos I came across. There have been innumerable instances where you have used an exclamation mark (!) instead of the letter 'm'. It really confused me. I guess that was a keyboard error. I pointed out a lot of them while commenting on your book. Do check them out and make the changes. :) 

* There was lack of description. When the MC meets the main hero/heroine, it should be a strong entry to capture the attention of the readers. When Katie first bumped into the guy (Dominic) I was convinced that he is the main lead but he doesn't have any major role in the whole book which kinda surprised me. When Katie meets Adonis, the meeting looked very casual. I don't want you to make it dramatic like OMG I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM THEN AND THERE but then again, the readers should be able to know that he is someone special in the book. 

*When writing dialogues, I noticed that when someone speaks a thing, the other person's expression is written in the same line which really confuses readers. Who spoke what? 

Try separating every dialogue possible in different lines. (I used to do the same mistake) 

*I absolutely love the fact that the dialogues seem very realistic. It doesn't look too dramatic or too flat, just the perfect words. It really sets a beautiful atmosphere and gives a good touch to your story. Quite wonderful! 

*There were a lot of instances when you have used the homophones of the words instead of the word that actually fits in the paragraph. I believe you must do a quick Google search before writing a word so that it conveys the exact meaning you want. 

PLOT: (Aspect specified) 

The plot is nice. I have always loved the arrogant, tough billionaire plots. But it's cliché. Especially on wattpad, I have read a number of stories like that before, some of them even with millions of reads and extremely popular. When such plots are concerned, the only thing that matters is how good you are at carrying it forward and how effectively you've used your own original and creative tools. The plot had no twists which kinda made me cry like a baby. I expected Richard to do something that'll be really twisted. Then I thought, Dominic would bring in some twist, like rescue her from the possessive controlling billionaire. But nothing like that happened. It went really flat to be honest. Katie got married, tired of her husband, took a break, came back and had a baby boy. Is that all? I can bet your potential is so much more than this. 

CHARACTERS: (Aspect specified) 

I really was fascinated by Adonis's character. You've potrayed it quite well, making me want to hate him but also a part of me not wanting to let him go. The hatred he carried for anyone who messed with his wife, the possessive nature was well written. He is rich but also very caring when it comes to his family. Matilda's character is well written too, I can imagine her as the rich lady who is tired of her son roaming unmarried. It was very impressive! 

Katherine's character was good too but it could have been better. Katie was supposed to be a very strong-headed character which was well potrayed in the dialogues you wrote but as an individual, I found it hard to form a mental picture of her looks as well as her personality. She got so many quality traits which you should, I believe, keep mentioning while describing little things. One little personal suggestion: try writing the MC's thoughts in italics. It works really well with the impact that you want to leave on your readers. 

There was one thing truly spectacular about your book. Your level of writing as we continue to read one chapter after the other. There was a lot of improvement I saw from the first chapter to the 43rd chapter. You started as an amateur writer but then, as I reached the 28th chapter, your descriptions became longer, the use of pictures became lesser and the chapters also increased lengthwise which is something I became a big fan of. Keep up the good work!

SIDE NOTE:

Your book needs a quick re-editing and trust me, it'll turn out amazing. Start with fixing the typos first. Find as many as you can. If you want, I am always happy to help. Once you're done fixing them, move to 'expanding the descriptions' part. Try including minor details of important events. You don't even need to worry that if you expand descriptions, you chapters will become over-long. You have a lot of spare space in your chapters, include nice descriptions and limit the use of pictures. Use as less as you can! Once you are done with these, try including little twists. Don't change anything in the plot, just make things a bit more complicated. It hooks readers for a longer duration of time. 

OVERALL ENJOYMENT:

I enjoyed reading this book. All the characters were well written and there were less errors when talking about tense change and sentence formation. We are nowhere near perfect but a little editing never goes waste. Trust me! It's time to roll up your sleeves and get working. Thank you so much for choosing me as your reviewer. I hope this review was helpful. 

I wish you lots of luck with your writing. Until next time❤️