Quest Reviews (CLOSED FOR CATCH UP)

Abeeha's review

Title: Whoever Murdered Crystal Morrison?
Author:  ESJ1004
Reviewer: @Abeeha_32

Cover+Title:

The cover is good but definitely could have managed to be better. Wattpad is a platform where covers play a major role, because that is the only hook factor besides the blurb. I feel yours doesn't fully capture the essence of a horror mystery. The use of red and peach fonts comes off as a bit odd for the black background. Whenever you are making a cover, just imagine that how'd your book look when it's published with the same cover? Will it look professional enough?
There are so many graphic shops here, you can try those. I am sure you won't be disappointed. You've done a great job with the picture chosen though, especially with the patches. Just change the font and it's colour. Make it lively like a good novel but also, gloomy like a mysterious one.

Coming to the title here, I feel it's just perfect. However, it's a bit confusing to read. 'Whoever' murdered Crystal Morrison makes it appear more like a statement than a question. You can change it to 'Who murdered Crystal Morrison?'. It's crispy, content-related and conveys the same meaning. However, this is just a personal opinion and you can stick to whatever way you like.

Blurb:

I love your blurb! It's beautifully executed and well thought of. The intrigue and mystery is prominent in every single line.
With the perfect amount of revelation, it's consistent and can hook any reader. The only thing I found is that you can remove the the single quotes around Amberlyn (the town's name) and you will be good to go. Very subtle and very effective!

Grammar+Writing Style:

Most of your story is well-written regarding grammar and punctuation. A very impressive vocabulary and a good use of emotional language has really elevated your work. There were some errors that caught my eye. Try working on those and it'll turn out amazing!

Prologue

Another flaw of hers was being foul-mouthed and ill-mannered in which she cared less about.
Correction: Eradicate the 'in' after ill-mannered and consider putting a comma after 'ill-mannered'.

He was the main reason why she moved out of her former sub-urban life and moved to a busier city.
Correction: The word 'moved' is recurring in this sentence. You can rephrase this as:
He was the main reason why she moved out of her former sub-urban life to a busier city.

And at that moment, it was her big mistake.
Correction: This sentence sounds a little off. You can maybe rephrase it as:
That was her biggest mistake and she wished that she hadn't done it.

Chapter-1

She can feel those salty tears start building up in her eyes for the numerous amount of time.
Correction: She can feel those salty tears build up in her eyes for the millionth time.
The form of the word used here will be 'build' and not 'building'. Also, the phrase 'for the numerous amount of time' sounds grammatically wrong.

That was a large mistake in his part.
Correction: That was a 'big' mistake 'on' his part.

Not now, not ever.
Correction: Not now, 'never'

She heard her uncle yelled a few distances from behind.
Correction: She heard her Uncle 'yell' from some distance.
(This is one way to rephrase it. You can opt for any way as per your convenience)

It was about time she had to stood up for herself against her uncle.
Correction: It was about time she had to stand up for herself, against her uncle.

Two hours have passed...
Correction: Two hours 'had' passed.
There is sudden tense change here, which greatly disrupts the flow.

The rests were small houses and stores that Samara didn't consider as nostalgic nor remarkable at least.
Correction: The rest were small houses and stores that didn't make Samara nostalgic or they weren't remarkable at least.

Chapter-2
Did they found her body?
Correction: Did they 'find' her body?

No, the police are still working on it.
No, the police 'is' still working on it.

The news of Crystal's death went wildfire...
Correction: I believe the idiom says 'spread like wildfire' so the use of the word 'went' here comes off as a bit odd.

She stopped from her tracks...
Correction: She stopped 'in' her tracks.

After reading the two chapters and the prologue, I found recurring errors which I'll just list down.

*Error with the prepositions:

There were numerous instances when I noticed that there were errors with the preposition that you've used with your words. Just make sure you use the correct prepositions because that just plainly disrupts the flow of your writing. A little Google search will always do the job!

*Tense change:

Be very careful when it comes to tense change. You are going with one tense and when suddenly, you swap it with another, the flow is greatly disrupted. I suggest you to just stick with one tense.

*Your writing style is consistent, effective and easy to follow. I found myself really intrigued by some descriptions. Great work, mate!

STORY MOOD (Specified aspect)

I must applaud you for the story setting and atmosphere. Samara's emotions are cleverly depicted and her hatred towards her Uncle sets a gloomy atmosphere right away. The only thing that bothered me is that you shouldn't write that the young brunette smiled or munched on a chocolate. This makes her sister's death seem somehow less urgent. When weeks pass after the death, smiling and rising from the ashes seems realistic but it had just been a day or so and smiling makes it less-effective. She should be in a traumatic situation which is well-written in some parts with the extensive use of swear words and not flirting with the police officer. Her vexation is clearly illustrated in that part. Just pay attention to the kind of words you are using to depict her feelings: they shouldn't be extremely lively or happy cause that just lessens the otherwise powerful effect of your novel's mood and atmosphere. Apart from that, Brilliant Work!^^

Characters:

Samara: A very intriguing character. I love how rebellious a character she is.Truly makes for a fun read! Her relationship with her Uncle is very well-portrayed, especially with the showing-instead-of-telling factor. She is a very complex individual with her own share of flaws as well as quality traits. She is bound to find her sister's killer and her determination is clearly visible with every little dialogue and every thought process that she has.
Other characters, including her uncle are also well-written.
You've done an amazing job with the characterization.

Plot:

A very promising storyline. I have so many expectations from this story. Loved how you jumped right into the inciting incident in the very first chapter, keeping your readers on their toes. The online Facebook video leakage was a very clever idea and the profile just anonymously vanishing is so intriguing already. Kudos to you, author!

Overall enjoyment:

A nicely executed horror mystery is everything one needs. You've done a great job with your work and your story has tons of potential. With just a little editing, some changes here and there and the right cover, this story is gonna go very far. I truly enjoyed reading your work and there was not a single dull moment. Thank you so much for choosing me as your reviewer and being so patient. I wish you lots of luck with your future writing and it was a pleasure to read your clever ideas.

Until next time❤