Quest Reviews (CLOSED FOR CATCH UP)

Shourjo's review

Author: Fallen--Star

Title: The zodiacs and the war of truth

Before starting off with this review, I need to state that I have given much criticism and corrections in inline comments so I won't be repeating them over here. Just the overall points that need to be worked upon would be highlighted.

Plot

The premise is a different take on the conventional idea and I like how you have done it. The plot is not at all clear and it's totally a mystery which the readers would have to read more to find out which is a good sign. The magic realm and the Zodiac signs are an interesting combo.

Character Development

The protagonist's actions are well written and she's energetic and it's nice see her come to terms with the reality that magic actually exists. You have established her character well and it's interesting to read her reactions.

You have made the characters original and real but one point you can improve on is in establishing the character of Swen and Pacifica. They have the same characteristics so you need to make them stand out as diverse characters. However this would get more and more prominent as one reads further into the story. But a good author always makes it happen at the very first. Otherwise you have given a unique identity to each if the characters by nothing but in manners of speech and that's commendable!

Grammar

You have to work on this point. I noticed many errors like typos and other inconsistencies. In particular you need to watch out while using 'do' and it's forms. It's followed by the present tense of the word you are using to depict action. 

You have the basic idea of how to write sentences, how they are meant to be in a novel but it needs more practice. Some sentences are really well done, while others need a bit of working on. This is the sole weak point of the book and if you excel in this field, you automatically level up in writing as grammatical mistakes don't get overlooked while reading that much and it may ruin the opinion of the reader about the author and the book. So keep on practising and you'd surely improve as it seems you are observant and are eager to learn the correct way of writing.

Writing Style

Simple yet elegant. There's a subtlety to it. You have gotten the essence of how to write. And it's near about perfect the way it is at the moment. The sentence framings are something to give a little more pressure on and try using different kinds of sentence structures. Make the sentences stand out according to their importance. As it's fantasy and has a young adult feel to it, you might consider using some ornamental words here and there to elevate the prose. I think it would really suit your writing. And noticing how you go by writing and learning, it won't take long for you to get accustomed with ornamental words. But it's up to you if you want to use them or not.

Also, look out for thoughts and dialogues. Read novels and see how the pros handle them. If you are able to bring realism in your characters, the story gets much more interesting. (It's something I personally aim to improve upon.) Your thoughts and dialogues are executed fine but they need that touch of genuinity. It's not something I can describe in words. It's attained in writing. And it sets a tone for each character.

Flow of Writing

One thing is needed: chapter breaks. When not much is going on, it's difficult to keep our attention to the text. So let the readers know when they can take a break, you don't want them to read hastily and not get the subtle details. Make them read slowly and attentively. Scene transitions, time skips, anywhere you find a place, apply a chapter break. Long chapters are difficult to get through if nothing intense is going on.

Otherwise the flow of writing is perfect. Each sentence is logically placed and does not feel odd. Commas are something that control the flow of the sentence so use them wisely and when required. They make the sentences impactful at times when they need to be. Again, be sure to refer to the published authors and see how they do it.

And finally, which I am getting a little already, bring out your own style, your own touch. The narrator might say a few of their own words and that gives the story a whole new direction. But inspite of that, there are many places where you can play with words or sentences, scenes etc. in your own way that convey the message that it's written by you. Originality. It comes by itself. Do not copy from the authors you read, adopt styles you feel go along with yours and change them in your own way. You learn from others. But you bring out your own flavour. And that's what your goal should be.

Overall, I think this story has a lot of potential and in a few drafts would turn out to be pretty decent. Keep working on it and let your ideas flow. And always try making something entirely new. It's challenging but that's why the readers would pick your story up. They need something fresh. Something new. Best of luck for your journey! It would be quite a ride for you and your story.