Shourjo's express review

65 5 1

by questint

by questint

Title: Mates Between Marriage

Author: lifeisastoryliveit

The first and foremost thing is that, the following review is of a genre that's not really my preference but I am trying my best to be helpful. I try to be very honest in my reviews.

Writing Style

The writing style is plain and connects instantaneously with the reader in the first person POV parts. In the first chapter, the scenes, though not so vivid, transition into a monologue of the main character giving insight on to the story which is done well.

Some edits that I can propose is to separate dialogues into separate paragraphs and to include only one character's dialogue in such paragraphs. Otherwise it's confusing when read at a fast pace and isn't the normal norm.

Also, italicize the thoughts. Even though the character narrates the story, when they are caught in the present and make a reaction in their thoughts, it's useful to italicize them. Even more important to do so in the third person POV parts.

And, I can say that it's not a very gripping start. You need to make a starting that will pull your readers into the story. It has to be impactful. At least if the first paragraph isn't, the first chapter must do the trick. So, make sure to make it as attractive as you can in your future edits.

The third person POV is well executed and might I say that your writing is far better in this style. This read very nice and caught my attention. The lore was beautifully narrated and this would have been more impactful had it been the first chapter of the book. Your descriptions were better too.

The main character at times is kind of fun to read and her actions are well defined. In general, she is well written. Good job on that remark.

The second and third chapters in general are very well written and the character interactions feel very much real and connective. It was very interesting to read and the pacing was perfect. Now I insist even more, that you change the first chapter into something more gripping like these two.

Plot

Can't say much about the plot. I have almost zero experience when it comes to Werewolf, but the lore you've created is interesting. It's not sloppy, and amplified by the well executed chapters (2 and 3), the story can be very satisfying to read.

Character Development

Very well done. The characters are lively and real. Easy to connect with. The interactions are sweet and adorable.

This story has a balance between the characters and the plot which I very much appreciate.

Overall remarks

It was a nice quick read and except the first chapter, it was not boring and kept my attention. For your first book, it's very well written and with a little editing and reframing this would be a very enjoyable read for readers of the genre.