Quest Reviews (CLOSED FOR CATCH UP)

Nazeefa's Express Review

Book Title: Learning to Swim

Author:  _rishiika_

Chapters Reviewed: 3 (Express Review)

Reviewer: MidnightKoala

Note: I will try and be as constructive and as polite as possible regarding areas that I think can be improved but still remain honest. It is not my intention to be harsh or rude but if any of my comments come across that way, I do apologise sincerely. I am not always right and sometimes my opinions may be different to yours so please do tell me if you don’t agree with something I’ve said or want to discuss further - I am more than happy to. I hope the review is helpful! ❤️

TITLE/COVER/BLURB:

Your title is quite unique and different to a lot of book titles I’ve heard. I don’t think it’s particularly creative but it is nice and simple.

I’m not an expert in graphics but in terms of a reader’s perspective, I really like your cover - it’s bright, attractive and cute and the choice of font is very appealing. The blue background representing the water/swimming is also fitting. Again, a simple cover but sometimes simple works and in your case, I think it does. 😊

Moving on to the blurb. Note: whenever I mention a quote from your work, I will highlight it between these symbols <> like so: <quote> to make it clearer where the quotes are.

I think the first line of your blurb is a little strange in the way you’ve worded it. The start of the line: <In which the...> and the end of the line: <...and so much more> just sound a bit off for a blurb. It almost sounds like an incomplete sentence and it doesn’t really hook me in to want to read more. What is the <so much more>? I’d suggest starting with a powerful, gripping opener such as a rhetorical question or a short, snappy sentence. Your opener almost sounds like a summary of the story. 

On the contrary, I do like the list of reasons why Jay is drowning - it’s a very creative thing to do in a blurb and I haven’t seen that method used often. It’s executed pretty effectively as well. The metaphor of him physically drowning and also mentally/emotionally drowning due to his brother’s death is really nice and comes through your writing very well. It’s definitely a good hook! 👏

Your next line just sounds a little long and awkward to me. <Jamie Smith has seen Jay struggling to swim ever since he showed up to the cafe in which she worked at two in the morning and generously tipped her.> Perhaps you could split it into two sentences and change the wording slightly which would help make it flow smoother. Something like this maybe?

Jamie Smith has seen Jay struggling to swim for a long time. It started when he showed up at 2am at the cafe where she worked and generously tipped her.

This is just a suggestion but feel free to make your own alterations!

Your next part: <So when he actually falls inside a pool in front of her she doesn't really have a choice.> I think ‘into a pool’ would sound better than ‘inside a pool’. And a comma after ‘front of her’ would help. Like this:

So when he actually falls into a pool in front of her, she doesn't really have a choice.

In all honesty, the ending of your blurb: <So she offers to teach him swimming> isn’t particularly intriguing. Similar to the start, the end of the blurb should ideally leave a reader in suspense or leave them asking questions or basically, make them engaged enough that they want to open your book. I think your ending is quite basic and doesn’t create the above effect. Again, try using a rhetorical question or a one line paragraph with a short, powerful sentence which would grab the attention of the reader and force them to continue.