Quest Reviews (CLOSED FOR CATCH UP)

Abeeha's review

Review by Abeeha.

Username: hiddenbottle
Title: The Art of Unrequited
Reviewer: @Abeeha_32

Cover+Title:

Your cover is very beautiful and extremely captivating, I must say. The choice of colors is aesthetically pleasing to the eyes and the grain, old-school effect is nicely done. The magazine-like font is also nicely illustrated. I love the use of the chocolaty brown tint for 'Unrequited'. The small and big ratio is also proper and though both the colors of the background and font are light, they don't merge with the background. I suggest you to enlarge the Author's name and maybe use a bigger font which is easily-readable. Also, the picture chosen is not really co-related to the story content, but it really is not that prominent as long as it's attractive so I am fine with it. Overall, great cover. Good job!^^

Coming to the title, I feel it's perfect. It's not too long and those three words are strong enough to hook any reader who likes reading this genre. The addition of the word 'Art' is very impressive. It expresses your story concept very well.

Blurb:

The blurb is the perfect length. It reveals the perfect amount of information and brings up the storyline very smoothly. It expresses the concept of your book and also captures everything in a nutshell that can hook potential readers. There were also little to no errors I found regarding Grammar, which is in itself, a great victory.

There were a few things which I'd like to point out:

Ever since Maddie lost her mom to an illness at fifteen...
Correction: I felt that something is missing in this sentence. It reads more like her mom was fifteen when she died, rather than Maddie herself. I suggest you to rephrase it like maybe:
Ever since fifteen-year old Maddie lost her mom to an illness, she lost her sense of home.
This feels a bit less clumsy and more appropriate in this context.

In the midst of the modern chaos, all Maddie could ever hope is for a brighter future and for the broken pieces of her past and present to finally mend together...
I suggest you to put a simple full stop (.) after this. Then start with a new line to give your rhetoric question, the force and effectiveness that you are trying to portray.
Eradicate 'but' and do it like:

"Will she ever find home in spite of her dysfunctional family and unrequited love?"

Grammar+Writing Style:

The grammar was fine for most of the book. I have some suggestions though, taking all chapters in consideration. You can check them out and make the desired changes :)

Chapter-1
Emotions usually drive to questions that usually start...
The use of the word 'usually' two times is not required. You can use it after 'emotions' and remove the one which is after 'that'.

Now because I'm panicking a list...
Correction: Consider putting a comma (,) after panicking.

I would have been kidnapped by then...
Correction: I did not get your context by this. I believe you mean 'kidnapped by them' instead of 'then'.

Chapter-2
...matching green caps, not gonna lie, I kinda liked them...

Correction: ...matching green caps. Not gonna lie, I kinda liked them...
Consider putting a full stop (.) after 'caps'.

He starts giving me again that same teasing smile.

Correction: He starts giving me that same teasing smile 'again'.
It would be better if you use 'again' at the last rather than using it in the middle of the sentence.

He took quite a while of choosing while our regular customers, they just blurt out...

Correction: remove the 'they' after customers. It should be like :
...while our regular customers just blurt out...

I haven't heard it said to me in such a long time.
Correction: I haven't heard it in a long time.

When I'm crying, she called me beautiful.
Correction: When I cried, she called me beautiful.
There was a sudden tense change here, which can very easily disrupt the flow.

"Thanks," he says, while wiping a few sweat off his forehead.
Correction: "Thanks," he says, while wiping a few 'drops' of sweat off his forehead.

Chapter-4

Drowning himself in all these alcohol.
Correction: Drowning himself in alcohol.
'All these' doesn't sound apt for an uncountable thing.

It's been a while since I last seen this place.
Correction: It has been a while since I last 'saw' this place.

I walk back to where Mark is and told him...
Correction: This line is having sudden tense change again.
Write it like: I walk back to where Mark is and 'tell' him...

After chapter-4, the grammatical errors declined which I found a total thumbs-up. There were some minor errors, but no major ones as such.

*I pointed some errors while commenting on your book. Hope you can check them out and make the changes.

*There were some recurring errors, which I thought I should tell you about.
---There were recurring sudden tense changes. I suggest you to be cautious of the tense you are using while writing, because it greatly disrupts the flow.

---Avoid starting your sentences with conjunctions. Eg: 'And', 'But', 'Or' etc.
There is nothing wrong in particular, but avoid it. A conjunction joins two sentences so it should always be placed in the middle.

-- Great writing style! I loved and felt every bit of Maddie's emotions. The imagery was perfect. The comparison with the life of children, the hint of philosophy, everything was brought up very impressively. Good job!!

Plot:

The plot is so promising! I was hooked right from the first chapter when you brought up the whole "hoodie-kidnapper" thing. As we move forward, the storyline kept becoming smoother and smoother. There is also a lot of mystery and intrigue, especially with Liam. I wonder why does he wear hoodies and has his hands in his pocket all the time. Also, why does he always say that he is not enough for her? There were so many instances when I became extremely excited to witness their little interactions.
When you have written about the whole 'Maddie feeling low thing', it was so beautifully executed that I could virtually feel her emotions. These little ups really seem to elevate your work to a great height. Very impressive, buddy!

Characters:

Madeleine: A beautiful chaos. She is such a strong character. Bravo! I loved every dialogue, every thought and every feeling she had. She is super-relatable, especially because of her unrequited love.I love it when she says that she cries everytime cause that's the only thing she can do. It's so pure and genuine and that makes her ×ten times stronger.

You've done a good job with Marc and her father too, I however suggest you to enlighten us with more of their traits. They are the MC's family members. They are very important in the setting of the story. Try mentioning some more details of them (Mark especially). I found it hard to visualize because of the lack of description here.

Coming to Liam, what a cutie he is! Being honest here, not many male leads attract me but he surely did. He got such a dark and grey personality but also a sunshine-kind, loving personality. I feel he has so many things to tell us readers, so many stories of his past. Your idea of bringing up a character like him is splendid as ever. Wonderful!

Jen is another lovable character. I love how you've included a lot of humour in her speeches. It's really heartwarming and the comical tone greatly adds to your book. Also, she is so supportive. When I started with this, I thought that Jen is going to be attracted to Liam and Maddie is going to be left behind. It however turned out to be surprisingly amazing when we found out how nice and supportive Jen is. Nicely done.

Overall enjoyment:
Your story was anything but relatable. It makes such an enjoyable read and I was able to make a very strong emotional connect with Maddie. This is not an easy thing to do and kudos to you for that. Some editing, polishing and sparkle and your book will be amazing. The most important thing to focus on is tense change. The details and descriptions and vivid enough and beautifully expressed. I really enjoyed reading your book. Thank you so much for choosing me as your reviewer. I wish you lots of luck with your future writing. Also, if you have any queries, remember that I am just a PM away. I hope you found this helpful!

Until next time♥️