Quest Reviews (CLOSED FOR CATCH UP)

Kola's review

The Power of Consciousness

MidnightKoala

b o o k    c o v e r

I’m going to skip this section because I’ve worked on the book cover with you and you know what I think hehehe!

b l u r b

I love the information quantity and quality that you have given. It is perfectly to the point and does beautiful justice to the essence of the book. You have given us the main character, hinted at the main mystery and opened up the scene to be of the Roseburn facility. I think you’ve nailed it honestly, amazing work, love!

This is a personal opinion that I am just going to point out. I think you can stop the blurb after you have placed the dialogue, “Some things are best kept hidden.” This definitely sets the tone of mystery and dread like you have been wanting it to and drives the reader to enter in to the realm of the book. 

I also suggest removing, “Why does she have these special abilities?”
But, this is completely subjective to my train of thought as it may imply a superhero/fanfiction series when it isn’t. I also think you have been trying to hide the answer to this mystery a lot, and this question may be giving that away a little bit. However, on the other hand, it does also fit in the flow of the blurb. I just want to point it out to have you understand my thought process in this!

Technical errors

“Whatever happened-“

Suggestion - “What happened-“

“-but her understanding-“

Suggestion - “-but also her understanding-“

In this case, you can take out the “as well”, I believe this achieves a better sentence structure and flow.

“She’s like a baby in a grown woman’s body - innocent and naive.”

I truly believe you have the strong writer’s voice to be more brave and bold with your writing style. The reformation of some sentences can hit harder and impact your readers, I urge you to try and find that bold voice and feed into it just as I have experienced it in the entirety of your book. The focus of this sentence are th adjectives/ descriptive qualities of innocence and naivety. I believe you just bring those qualities to light first rather than keep them at the end.

Suggestion - “Her innocence and naivety resembled that of a baby in their mother’s womb.”

“-that she has gifts that no other human could ever dream of-“

Suggestion - “-that she has gifts like no other human.” I think the rest of the sentence could be implied within the meaning of “like no other”.

“As she battles between her raging desire to learn about the world and the hidden secrets within herself, she begins to question whether the information she's being fed is wrapped up in lies and betrayal.”

There is a lot of points in this sentence that are vital for the story that is about to take place. I usually suggest these key elements in the blurb to be short and crisp so that they catch the reader’s eye and have a lasting effect. I believe you can split this paragraph into two. The lingering last sentence hinting towards the mysterious intention that you want it to.

Suggestion - “As she battles between her raging desire to learn about the world and the hidden secrets within herself, she begins to question her surroundings. Is the information that she is being fed wrapped up in lies and betrayal?”

w r i t i n g    s t y l e

The first sentence. I remember when I read that first paragraph I was so taken aback by the plot and storyline, the character description and the detailing. I absolutely loved the flow of words and sentence structure, it really was absolutely beautiful. You were really able to take us into your world effortlessly, describing every detail of her breath to her movements. And you know I love that about books SO MUCH. Her confusion and perplexity have been perfectly written and it says so much about you as an author that you have completely engaged and gotten lost in Neoma’s life.