Quest Reviews (CLOSED FOR CATCH UP)

Faye's review

Title: Our Bitter, Beautiful Lives

Author: picklejuice100

Status: Ongoing

Focus: Plot, Grammar, Characters.

Title and Cover (5/5)

The title works beautifully for this story. It perfectly represents the conflicting personalities of Rhea and Jeet. Very well thought through!

The cover is really cool. Both main characters are represented again and it is a great touch that you include the floating images in the background that illustrate their interests. It is colourful, youthful and fun. Your choice of font is perfect, I like that it looks like it was painted on. It stands out nicely and is clear to read. 

Description (5/5)

The information shared within the description does a good job of encouraging potential readers to click on your book. Starting with quick introductions to your main characters and their situations. I knew exactly the kind of story I was getting into. I have no problems here.

Grammar (2/5)

Within what I read, there were scattered typing errors that I tried to pinpoint as I read. I hope you found this helpful.

A few other issues that I wanted to mention here are:

There were various moments where you used slang within the narrative – such as writing “lol" and words like “kinda" and “gonna.” Using texting slang here and there like this, tends to create an unprofessional voice within the story telling. Writing in consistent full sentences would do your story justice in my opinion.

“And the problem is dad, only and only dad.” – This sentence reads a bit clumsily. I believe taking out the extra “only" would tidy it up sufficiently.

Edit: “And the problem is dad, and only dad.”

“Because I came with my cycle.” In the context of the sentence “cycle" doesn't work. “Cycle" is a verb when speaking about bikes. As a noun, that word means something else entirely. “Bicycle" is the right word to use here. I understand that you may be writing it that way to display colloquialism, however, in writing, it doesn't quite flow like that.

Characterisation (4/5)

I like that you established two very different characters right from the start. You explore their different personalities, their different situations within their homes and situations within their past. 

Rhea is an unapologetic, confident individual that is at war with her parents expectations and following her own dreams. You made sure to explain in great detail why she is the way she is. She can come across as quite rude and lacking empathy, but understanding her background story (which is written very clearly) I, the reader, know that that is not the case. She is a complex individual with strengths and weaknesses and I did end up rooting for her, wanting her to succeed within reaching her dreams in writing.

Jeet is completely different to Rhea. I really liked that he doesn't like Rhea to begin with. On the surface I do believe she would be hard to like. He is really kind and gentle and an individual like Rhea needs a friend like him! 

One thing I would like to mention is; I do think that Jeet loses his temper a bit too quickly during his and Rhea's first encounter. It seemed out of character for him. Making him calmer and less likely to confront others would make the contrast of Rhea's and his character more apparent. Also holding back Jeet's displays of anger will give them more of an impact when they do happen. Showing that too soon takes something away, I think.

Jeet’s nervous energy, when he's around Raj, is incredibly well portrayed. I love how his mouth works faster than his mind at times. This is an authentic character trait for someone with his personality. I loved the way you expressed his inner conflict with his feelings for Raj. Bringing in his past experiences of rejection was incredibly clever and made your story an interesting read with many aspects to explore.

The progression of Rhea and Jeet's characters and friendship is well paced and believable. Seeing how protective Jeet gets of her and how Rhea warms up to him really pulled on my heart strings.

Raj is a cool character. He is easy to like and I truly understand what Jeet sees in him. He seems quite calculated and calm.

Rhea’s parents are hard to like. Her dad is very strict and is quite harsh. His role in Rhea's life really explains why she is so insecure. Her mum also does not help much. Sometimes a child/teenager needs a good cop, bad cop scenario to reach compromises. Instead Rhea's mother tended to act indifferent and distant. They made me wild! – a really well thought out dynamic to your story. Interesting to read and relatable!

Plot (5/5)

You have a good plotline here. Taking an everyday, very relatable situation, as being a teen writer on wattpad and including family drama and ups and downs of friendship encounters to make it into an interesting read. 

This story has all the ingredients needed for a classic teen fiction – school, a new kid on the block, mean girls and a crush. You set the scene very well and give both of the main characters good foundations and write their separate storylines consistently.

Jeet's backstory with being rejected in the past was really nicely included. You brought a subtlety there that I really appreciated. A memory of his friend Ishaan pops into his mind, seemingly out of the blue, whilst he is waiting for Rhea and Raj. This was handled incredibly well. You really thought about how fleeting thoughts work, making this addition of a backstory really authentic. Rhea's home life is also tackled in an open and honest way, which I really appreciated.

I really liked the dream sequences that you included. They were written so well! I liked how you showed the quick change in scenery and expressed the raw emotion in these scenes. You showed the individual's heightened emotions and vulnerability with great skill.

Overall (21/25)

A great, relatable teen fiction story. Full of unique and well developed characters. You clearly thought through each person's individual stories and you brought them together nicely. A few corrections to make here and there to iron it out, which I don’t think will take too long. 

Thank you so much for asking me to review your fun story. I hope you found my feedback helpful.