Conquer

Chapter 19:

I jumped in my seat as I woke from my memory. I kicked around me, screaming and trying to pull the Giver from my head.

I kicked my legs in all directions. I felt as if someone was strangling me, forcing me into something I no longer wanted. It was as if someone was holding me under water, allowing no air.

The panic. That's what was torturing me.

"Get it off of me!" I screamed. I was frightened at my memory.

It was awfully horrible remembering who I was. Especially after not knowing for so long. I was sure at this point that I could have gone the rest of my life without knowing. I was truly afraid.

"Jordyn, calm down! It's okay, it was just your memory," said Madame Lambert as she removed the Giver.

I was still trashing my body around. I could assume that I had hit her, based on a slightly painful sound she made. I could tell that the Conquerors around me were panicked as well, trying to remove their Givers; they moved about, curious to the current situation.

I continued to feel the anxiety possessing my body. The minute I could, I stood out of my seat, the room caving in around me. I stared at Lambert before running to, and out of, the closest door.

I exited the room, running down a hallway. I couldn't have been sure that it was the same hallway that we entered from, but it didn't matter. I could barely see the things around me.

I must have passed many turns but my blindness kept me from seeing them. The fact that the hallway was poorly lit did not help much either.

I had kept running, however, not seeing the ending of the hallway stopped me from continuing. I had hit a dead end, still unable to breath.

I sat with my back against the dead end wall, trying to catch my breath.

My breathing happened short and quick. I had a difficult time breathing. I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs. I tucked my head in the space between my legs and my chest, still unable to breath.

I tried to focus, rocking back and forth. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping the darkness could take it all away.

I was a murderer. I blew up a building. I was the cause of Maximus' capture. I can not believe this. That could not have been my past life. I know better than that. I risked my friend's and family's lives. I'm a murderer. I... I can't-

"Jordyn?" I heard a voice asked as they reached out for my shoulder.

I immediately jumped, continuously breathing panicked breaths. I looked up to see Max.

Concern went over his face naturally. His blue eyes seemed drained, further explaining his concern; his forehead creased, intensifying his emotion beyond normality.

"Jordyn, calm down. You're freaking yourself out," he said, trying to calm my nerves.

However, I couldn't. I felt like the room was collapsing and almost like I was drowning. I tucked my head back into my legs, unable to breath correctly.

I noticed how badly my body was shaking. I immediately knew that I must have looked ridiculous.

"Look at me Jordyn," Max said.

Max then lifted my head, looking me in the eyes. Without warning, Max pulled me to him, wrapping me in his arms while we sat on the floor. I tucked my head into his neck. After gaining my memory back, this seemed normal, like I had been doing it my entire life. For all I know, I have been doing it for my entire life.

"In through the nose... Out through the mouth," he said in a whisper. I nodded.

In through the nose. Out through the mouth.
In through the nose. Out through the mouth.

Repeat.

It was minutes before I was able to control my breathing. My surroundings seemed to return to their normality.

Comforting came easy to Max. It seemed as if Max now knew that he'd been doing this for years upon years. We sat in the silence.

I couldn't imagine how calm he was after seeing my memory, after knowing who I was... who we were.

Memory.

"Maximus... Weren't you next? To see your memories?" I asked, my words muffled by his shirt. The sudden realization made me wonder about his actions.

"I was there for my name and such... But I had to see if you were okay," he said into my hair, "Other than that, there's nothing else I need to know. I got plenty from your memory... That is all I need."

We sat for a few moments. I wondered how he was so calm, why he wasn't on the point of a panic attack. I was at a breaking point. I had been so curious about my past, and yet, Max seemed as if he didn't care for his.

"Well... What's your name?" I asked quietly, the curiosity doing to me what it only can do.

"I'm Maximus Asher Garrison... I'm 19, born June 22, 2139," he replied.

His breath seemed whole, full of life and greatness. For some reason, knowing his entire name delighted me. It was as if I had met a new person or gained an old friend. Knowing his name made it easier to remember him.

I allowed myself to smile for a moment. Ever since I woke up in Survival, I'd wanted to know about the world I had forgotten. Now that I know, I wish I could forget. If only I had realized how good I had it.

Instead, I was stuck knowing how horrific reality truly was. Knowing who Max was easier than knowing who I was, as very little sense that it makes. I was forced to live a dream, and yet, I wanted to know the nightmare; I wasn't sure which was which at that point.

"I'm sorry... I can't believe what... I can't believe what we did," I finally forced out, "If I would have known how bad the world really was, I would have never left Survival. Will wouldn't have died. Faye would still be runing around. We would still be in peace."

"Do not say that. Don't act like this is your fault. As for Will, he did what he had always done best. Will fought for what he believed in.

And Faye... She died with the last memory of finally having peace in her mind. Don't blame any of this on yourself-"

"But look at you," I said as I pulled from him, "You're half blind just like I am. That wouldn't have happened if we hadn't left Survival!"

Max rolled his tired eyes before saying, "Man. I can't believe that I went so long not knowing who you were."

I expected him to say something about my blaming, however, his statement had thrown me off. I looked at him, sudden curiosity filling my mind.

"What...?" I asked quietly.

"You were in my dreams ever since your arrival. I didn't know what it meant. I had gone all this time without knowing you. I assumed you were just another Tromper that they sent here. I thought you were just... But the moment I saw you and Jed alive in the Planks... I knew you were much more than anyone else here was," he replied.

My mouth had gone dry. Max spoke words that sent a certain feeling into my system. I had the major memory back, but the feeling I got was definitely unfamiliar.

A scream erupted in the distance.