"Alexis Morgan is said to be a little shaky on court, can this be the end of her star career?"
"Duke lost their sixth game tonight, Alexis Morgan was seen leaving the court in tears."
"I think Alexis Morgan is traumatised by the recent events that happened in the summer. Cameron Fields seem to be fine, he's doing consistently well and he's actually getting better."
I stare at the photos of me, Tania and Olivia that are hung on the wall.
They are all framed. Big smiles on our faces. Olympic gold medals around our necks, repping USA.
Such a proud moment.
I am not doing well, as everyone can tell. I am tired most of the time because I don't sleep well at night. Elijah recommended me to see a therapist but I am still considering it.
He tells me that on some nights he can hear my screams.
I feel bad so, I often bake cookies and give it to him. I think he's getting sick of it.
But the nightmares, they aren't stopping.
Every now and then, I still feel like I am underwater.
It's been two months...
Anyway, I just saw Cameron yesterday.
I didn't talk to him. He didn't look at me but I did.
I look at him whenever he's not looking.
Nate was right, he's that kind of guy after all.
Look at the state I am in now.
All broken.
I still miss him.
I wish I can hold him tight.
I hope he's doing okay with all this news about his dad and his family.
We lost our 8th game last week and my coach decided to bench me.
She said that it's for my own good.
I believed that it's for the team's good.
They won the game without me.
Maybe it's time to take a step back from basketball and rest.
Maybe I am not destined for that kind of greatness.
"Alexis Morgan is back on court after the coach has benched her for 3 games. Alexis Morgan shows a steady field goal for her return. Everyone is cheering her on and here in TNT News, we are all rooting for Alexis Morgan. Emotional recovery is never easy but just know that you are not alone in this."
I begin seeing a therapist. I tell her about my nightmares and I tell her all about Cameron.
About how he made me feel. The butterflies in my stomach having a war and how he makes me blush. I told her that he made me safe.
I didn't listen to the media, Cameron Fields is not like his father. He's kind and caring. He takes care of me, he protects me.
Then he left me.
I was prescribed anxiety pills and also sleeping pills.
It worked.
I haven't had a proper sleep in such a long time. I feel so much better.
But waking up and realising that I have to accept Cameron will no longer be in my life, it's a whole other matter.
My therapist, Ms Rena told me that I am obviously traumatised by the events that has happened in my life. The shoot up in the school, my abusive ex-boyfriend and the thing that happened in summer.
She didn't lie to me, it will take months or maybe years to get over it.
She reminded me about Dad and Axel that I still matter in their life and I must get better and I can take as long as I need.
As long as I am willing to.
After 8 sessions with Ms Rena, I no longer get distracted during my games. I stopped searching the crowd while playing the match, finding for that familiar brown haired boy.
"Duke breaks their losing streak and is currently on a winning streak, Alexis Morgan is bringing them up to semi-finals."
I refuse to let my father and team down.
I will bring the team back up.
And we will make it to the top.
No matter how broken I am.
I know things won't be the same.
I still do miss Cameron.
I hope he looks at me one day.
I would tell him that I love him because I never got the chance to.
But... Life goes on without him.
