Yowzah Oneshot Collection (2)

103(G)

               How Goes The Day?

                        leiascully

"Love the new backside," said someone behind them. "Something about that swagger - nothing in the universe could disguise it." The Doctor stiffened next to River and pivoted on his heel.

"Oooh," said the man with flirtatious satisfaction, "the face isn't so bad either. And who's this?" He looked her up and down, a grin lingering on his lips. "Exquisite taste as always, Doctor. A whole universe of gorgeous beings - how do you always attract the choicest ones? Do you even know what to do with them?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes. River gave him a questioning glance glinting with mischief and the Doctor raised his eyebrows in the equivalent of a shrug.

"River Song, meet Jack Harkness. Jack, this is River Song," he said in a tone of voice that conveyed his total ennui and irritation with the whole business, but there was a softness in his eyes that River had rarely seen.

Jack went absolutely pale and snapped his hand up in a salute. "Marm. So sorry." The Doctor's eyebrows went so high they nearly disappeared into his hairline, which was, frankly, a feat, and he turned to look at River.

"Interesting," River said slowly. She walked around Jack, examining him from all angles, letting him feel her eyes linger. He stood stiff and straight under her gaze, but she could tell he was squirming a bit on the inside. He didn't fear her, precisely, but she intimidated him, it seemed - not really an unusual occurence in the general populace, but the Doctor's companions generally handled her better. "Not quite the reaction I expected."

"Nor I," the Doctor said. "I never even got to the part about you being my wife. I was saving that bit for an unguarded moment."

"I would never have taken that sort of liberty," Jack said, still standing rail-straight. "It's just that I never saw your face, before. It was all done from a distance. I was just another foot soldier."

"When before?" River said sharply.

"Classified. I swore on my life not to give you any details," Jack told her. "The one time I had a direct order from you, actually, and I didn't even see you then. Wait, wife?"

"Took you long enough," said the Doctor with satisfaction. "Yes, wife."

"Oddly enough," River said. "Wife. Husband. Spouses. Married."

"How hard did he fight that one?" Jack asked.

"I imagine you have an inkling," River said, the tone of her voice making her meaning more than clear. The Doctor blushed. "I had to bring the universe to a screeching halt to get him to take any notice."

"That isn't quite true," the Doctor mumbled.

"Is that what that was?" Jack murmured. "At least it worked. Nothing I ever did had any effect."

"Yes, well, not quite correct but still a great pity, to be sure," the Doctor said, putting his hands on his hips and wearing his grumpiest face. "I continue to be standing right here, but by all means, carry on dissecting my personality. It's a shame the two of you haven't met before now, but then again, you probably would have considered it your duty to seduce me as a double act, so perhaps it's for the best."

"Still skittish, I'm guessing?" asked Jack with a winning grin.

"But so full of good ideas," River said, twinkling back at him.

"Do tell," Jack said, raising one eyebrow.

"Of course the two of you would get along," the Doctor said to no one in particular. "Why wouldn't you. A couple of Time Agents, or at least Time Agent-ish individuals, pockets full of gadgets. Jack with his dimples and River with her hallucinogenic lipstick. It's an ideal match. There's really no reason for me to be here at all, is there. I might as well take myself off to the wherever-it-was we were going, River, we've surely missed all the good bits now. But don't worry, there's a time machine, we'll just wibble-wobble the universe a bit because the two of you have so much to catch up on, having only just met and cemented your alliance in the cause of making my life more difficult."

"Time Agent?" River said. She narrowed her eyes in contemplation and patted the Doctor's arm absently. "We may have to have a bit of a chat at some later point."

"Aye, sir," Jack said, tossing her a sketchy salute. "I imagine we'll do just that."

"Spoilers," the Doctor murmured. "Don't give it all away. She'll be furious with you."

"Positively incandescent with anger," River agreed. "But I don't think that will be a problem, do you, Captain?"

"Absolutely not." Jack grinned at the both of them. "I may be immortal, but that doesn't mean I want to tempt you."

"Yes, the possibilities are rather endless," River said thoughtfully. "That really opens up a whole other realm, doesn't it?"

"I like her," Jack told the Doctor.

"If I'm not mistaken, she just threatened to kill you repeatedly in all sorts of interesting ways," the Doctor said skeptically. "Which is quite welcoming, for her." He put his arm around River.

"Imagination, that's the key," Jack said.

"Exactly," River said. They shared another look which made the Doctor roll his eyes.

"Well," Jack said. "I won't keep you. I imagine you have plenty of things to do." His smirk made it quite clear exactly what he thought they'd be up to. The Doctor scowled. River smiled.

"Handsome and clever," she said approvingly. "I'll be seeing you later."

"I look forward to it," Jack said with a little bow. "The Doctor's wife. Huh." He clicked his heels together and touched his forelock jokingly. "Doctor. Married life agrees with you." He turned and strode away. River watched him thoughtfully.

"An interesting man," she said.

"He's a good man to have on your side," the Doctor said. "On the other hand, I can't stand him. Oooh, he sets my teeth on edge ever since Rose made him immortal. He's just...wrong. People shouldn't not-die. That isn't how it works."

"Some days it is," she says, reaching up to kiss him. "Now. Let's go wibble-wobble the universe, and you can show me all the things you were so desperate to have me see that aren't charming Time Agents."

"There are so many of those," he said, ushering her back to the TARDIS.