Three's Company

35. Fin

Paisley's POV

  Death is such a scary concept and it rattles me to my bones. I'm feeling such an overwhelming and conflicting mix of emotions. It's honestly too much to process.

  My mother was never a very kind woman and in learning that she passed away, all that plays on repeat are the hurtful things she'd said or done over the years. The first thing I felt when I got Maddie's message was relief. That was quickly replaced with guilt. I don't know why I ignored Maddie's messages or why I couldn't bring myself to talk to Mommy and Mama. A part of me just really didn't want to acknowledge what was happening.

  I should have known Maddie wouldn't let me ignore her for long.

  The funeral in and of itself wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. It all felt very formal, even seeing my father whom I haven't spoken to in years. The interactions were cold and it only makes me wish my mommies were here with me. I know it may seem odd that I didn't ask them to come with me. Because in reality I want nothing more than to be smushed in between them in a tight group hug. There was something about having them here with me that made me uncomfortable. This is a chapter of my life I want behind me. I didn't feel the love and acceptance here that I do with my mommies. And a part of me didn't want them to see me in a setting where I've been raised to think so little of myself. Plus it would be way to easy to fall into little space and this isn't a time I want that to happen.

  In my hometown, Maddie is my rock, she was the only one who I felt cared about me growing up. She makes the difficulty of being here more bearable.

  I'm still not sure how I'm feeling as the funeral ends and Maddie leads me back to her car. The ride here was fairly quiet between us. I imagine she has a lot on her mind too. She lets out a big sigh as she buckles her seatbelt and starts the car.

  "Let's go home Peanut." She says softly. I nod, more than ready to get back to my mommies. I know it hasn't even really been that long that I've been with them, but it feels like forever. In a good way of course. I can't imagine life without them. I don't ever want to.

  Maddie and I drive quietly for a long time before she speaks up. We finally address the metaphoric elephant in the room. We talk about our mom and the funeral and just in general take a trip down memory lane together. In more ways than I thought possible, talking about it with Maddie really helps. I sort through my feelings and have a sense of catharsis as we're driving the streets close to home.

  I'm excited when I recognize the street signs, we're only a few minutes from home.

  "Missing your mommies, huh?" Maddie asks, smirking a little.

  "Mhm! Can't wait!" I grin watching out the window.

  "They treat you well?" Maddie asks.

  "The bestest!" I smile looking over at Maddie. Just thinking about them has me feeling smaller by the second.

  "I'm happy for you Peanut." Maddie smiles.

  It's early in the evening when Maddie pulls into the driveway. She walks me to the door, which is when I realize I don't actually have a key to the house. I frown as I reach for the doorbell. A wicked smile takes over and I push the button over and over.

  "Paisley..." Maddie rolls her eyes, grabbing my hand to stop the ringing. I got at least 5 rings in though. "That's excessive." She scolds, but I giggle cuz it's funny to me.

  "I had a feeling I knew who was at the door." Mommy answers with a smirk. I fly into her arms and hug her tight.

  "Mommy no give me key.." I mumble in a pout as she rubs my back.