Rebecca's Life

Part 1

My heart is racing a mile a minute as I look at my moms heart monitor slowing down by the second. I looked at her fragile body just laying in the hospital bed, as pale as a ghost just staring at me with so much fear and pain. I grabbed her hand and softly held it between mine as to not hurt the fragile person she has become. I can see her trying to say something, but only failing as she chokes at her attempt to speak.

As she struggles to catch her breath, that's when my heart finally stops as the nurses rush in and I feel someone grabbing me from behind pulling me away.

Alway from her.

That's when I woke up and the realisation hit me like a ton of bricks. I slowly sat up from my bed and looked at myself in the mirror. Covered in sweat with tears staining my checks. I was a mess.

Glancing at the clock on the wall and realising that is was no longer morning, I quickly jumped out of bed and hopped in the shower to wash away the memories that haunted me every time I closed my eyes.

Since cancer stole my mother from me 4 months ago, I've had the same nightmare every night, causing me to wake up as the same mess every morning.

But now my break from reality is over. Today's the day my dad is moving us both to a new town. He says it's a fresh start, but I know it's because he got fired from his job for showing up to work drunk one too many times.

Since mom passed it has been his new coping mechanism. He tries to hide it from me, but I'm 17, not stupid. Plus, I see the effect it has on him... it's like he just doesn't smile anymore, at least not like he use to.

As I got out of the shower I quickly threw on a casual pair of jeans and a grey hoodie. Not caring about putting any makeup on today, I just threw my long brown hair into a messy bun and headed downstairs.

As i finally reached the bottom of the stairs I saw my dad look up from his laptop.

"Morning munchkin, you all packed?" He greeted me with a half-heated smile. I could see he was trying but I missed how he used to smile at me.

"Yeah, I'm all ready. When we leaving?" I said walking over to the couch that sat directly across from where he was sitting in his chair.

Closing his laptop and taking his glasses off he stood up and walked towards me. "In 10 minutes, I just need to finish packing the car. It's best to get there before dark anyways, plus it's a good 5 hour drive and I want you to get a decent nights sleep because tomorrow is a big day."

Oh yeah, he's right. Tomorrow is a big day, it is my first day at a new school. To say I was nervous was an understatement. I had never been the new girl before and to make matters worst i was starting a month late, it is nearly October so I'd have to catch up on everything I've missed.

"I guess it is." I replied trying to shrug it off like I wasn't scared.

"You'll be fine kiddo, don't worry about it." He said sensing my nerves, my dad could always tell what I was feeling.

***

The car ride there was slow, but I mainly just listened to music and stared out the window watching people in the cars, in their own little worlds. This got me wondering where my life was gonna go and what this new place was going to bring.

Finally we arrive. I hoped out the car and looked at my new home, it was weird that we were moving and even weirder that it was without my mom being with us. But I guess that was just something I had to start getting use to.

"Do you like it?" My dad asked from behind me as he started pulling our suitcases out of the car.

"It's nice. I think she would have liked it as well you know." I replied but the second I said it I regretted it, just seeing my dads face change to a frown in less than a second broke my heart. I didn't mean to upset him, but just because he refuses to think about her doesn't mean I don't.

His eyes shifted downwards and his whole demeanor changed, his fists tightened on the two suitcases he held in each hand as he started walking at a fast pase towards the front door avoiding all eye contact with me.

A cold shiver ran down my spin leaving me frozen in place. I'd never seen him act like that before and to be honest it kind of scared me.

After an hour of me unpacking some of my stuff, my dad finally came out of his room. But now he wasn't angry anymore, if anything he was quite the opposite.

The second he saw me standing in the kitchen he walked over to me and gave me a massive hug which caught me by surprise.

"I'm so sorry Becca, I didn't mean to walk off early. I.. I just miss her." He explained whilst still hugging me tight.

I was so happy that me wasn't mad at me and even happier that he seemed happy. However, when he slowly leaned back to kiss me on the forehead I smelt it. He'd been drinking. That must have been what he was doing in his room for the past hour. It made me sad when he drank because he was no longer himself, his mood would shift so quickly like he would just change personalities. I'm just glad that I'd only seen him when he had had a drink maybe twice before, mom would always put him to bed and he'd be fine the next morning.

"Wow, it already 7pm." He said snapping me out of my thoughts. "How about I order us a pizza and we can watch that movie you like?"

"Devil wears Prada... but you hate that movie." I said slightly confused. He always complained about how girly it was when I always use to watch it on TV.

"Don't be silly, go put it on. I'll order the pizza and be right back". He said making his way back upstairs. I pushed my thoughts aside and set the movie up.

Half way through watching the movie with my dad, the door bell rang and he got up to pay the pizza guy. He brought the pizza over to the table and i dug straight in. But as I took my first bite I realised that I should have waited, straight away it burnt the roof of my mouth causing me to drop the slice of pizza I had in my hand onto the carpet.

Out of nowhere my dad jumps up. "You clumsy little idiot!" He shouted causing me to look up at him in shock.

"I'm sorry, it.. it was an accident."I stuttered not knowing how to react, he'd never shouted at me like that before. "I'll clean it up." I said moving towards the kitchen, but before I could he shouted again stopping me in my tracks.

"You've done enough! Just go to bed!"

So I did, without turning around in fear of what he would say I ran straight up stairs into my new room.

As I stepped inside closing the door behind me, I leaned my back against it slowly sliding down pulling my knees into my chest. A tear started to fall down my check as I wondered what I had done and why he was so mad at me.

He hadn't been the same since mom died, but it seemed like drinking just made everything worst.

Soon after, I just got into bed hoping that I'd wake up and he'd be back to normal.