Loving You Again (GirlXGirl) (On Hold)

Book 1 - Epilogue

Book 1 - Epilogue

** Many Years Later **

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, or how much you wish and pray, things just don't turn out the way you wanted.

Skylar and I never went off to Europe together in the fall after we graduated like we planned. We wanted to travel all over Europe together but we never got a chance to and we never will again. We had so many plans and hopes for our future together even though we knew it would be short. What we didn't know when we were making our plans was just how little time we had left together.

Had I known back then, I wouldn't have wasted so much time. I would have married her the second we got back from our trip to the beach and then flown off to Europe the next day for our honeymoon. But we didn't know, so we waited. We eventually did end up getting married but we never really got a chance to experience it.

I wanted more than anything to have a chance at living a full and happy life together. While I knew the possibility of that ever actually happening was close to zero, I at least thought we could manage to build some kind of life together, but we never even got a chance to try. Skylar got really sick, really fast, and our time together was cut way too short.

That image of Skylar smiling at the beach while standing in front of the setting sun, surrounded by all the beautiful colors nature had to offer us; that's the imagine I will always remember of her.

That image is how I choose to remember her.

I don't want to remember all the tubes and wires hanging out of her that were trying and failing to keep her alive for months. And I especially don't want to remember what she looked like as the life drained out of her. I don't want to remember the extreme pain I felt the day she finally lost her fight. The pain was excruciating. It was the feeling of someone ripping my heart out of my chest in the cruelest way imaginable. I have felt so much pain in my life, but nothing will ever come close to comparing to that.

What I want is to remember a time where there was still hope for a better life. A time where we both seemed to have the world laid before our feet and we could both go anywhere and do anything we wanted. I want to remember her as being happy and carefree. That's why this image is the one I choose to remember most, the one I play over in my head again and again; the one I try to paint numerous times but can never seem to capture her just right. It was in this moment where she was truly happy, the happiest I ever saw her aside from when she asked me to marry her mere seconds later.

Before Skylar died she made me promise her that I would continue to live my life doing everything I could to try and be happy. I kept living, but being happy was an incredibly hard thing to do. Back then I never imagined it would be possible to be happy again, not without her. I spiraled into a depression that lasted for years, it seemed never ending. But then, suddenly one day it got better, easier. It was like slowly waking up from a long sleep, and when I did, I finally realized that I wasn't alone; I was never alone. I may have lost her but I still had Tanya and I still had her dad.

Skylar's dad even before we got married had become like a father to me. He always treated me like family and even after Skylar died that didn't change. A part of me thought it might, but it never did. I don't think he wanted to be alone and I understood that because neither did I. He continued to let me live with him until I finally went off to college and even for a couple years after that. We still keep in touch regularly and always spend every major holiday together. We are still family and always will be.

My life in many ways has changed for the better over the years and it's all because of her. Skylar always encouraged me to do what I love and to follow my passion. And while I never did go to art school, I did end up studying art at a state school. It took awhile but a few years out of college I was able to find a job as an illustrator. I was doing what I always dreamed of doing and I was happy even though I still missed her more than anything.

Eventually after years being alone, I decided to start to date again. Some of the relationships I had were serious but most weren't. I don't know if I ever loved any of them, but I do know that none of them made me feel the way I did when I was with Skylar, they didn't even come close to comparing. People say it's possible to find love again and I think that's true, but after years of trying, I decided I didn't want to find someone else. I had already found the love of my life and while our time together was brief it was nothing short of amazing. Skylar is the greatest love of my life and I never want that to change.

It has been so many years since she passed and while I will never feel truly whole without her, I am definitely happy. She is no longer with me physically; I can no longer touch her, hold her, or make love to her. But she never truly left me. She will always be with me every time I wear the necklace she gave me on the first Christmas we ever spent together; she is with me every time I look at a photo of her or a picture that I drew of her, and she is always in my memories.

My memories of her used to bring me such pain, especially the bad ones, but now I cherish every single one of them more than anything in this world. I still love her, I will always love her. If I could do it all over again I would. I would do anything to have another chance at loving her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note:

I'm so fucking sorry for this. Seriously I am. I cried so much while writing this you have no idea. Please don't hate me.

The story is not over! This is just the end of book 1. I have planned 2 more books to add to this - refer back to AN at beginning of the book.  I'm trying something really different here and I don't know if it will work or not but I hope it will. I don't want to give too much away right now but if you are dying to know what I have planned, read the AN/Intro at the beginning of the book and look at the story tags.

I don't know when I will have Chapter 1 of book 2 up. It might be a few days or it might be a week or two but I will try and get it up soon.

Take care of yourselves and stay safe. I wish you all the best and I will see you again soon ❤️