For Jin Hyung

5

It's been a week since I've last written. I was considering giving this up, but all of a sudden, today, I felt an urge to write in this.

We've been very busy these days. Just a few days ago, we got our line distribution sheets and started recording. Everything's been a mess. One of the whole "sets"of mics blew out and now we have to stagger our recording sessions. It's a bit difficult to record now: the vocal line can't harmonize together since there's only like 3 mics available.

I have one personal mic that I use for demos, but it's not that great. I wish we could just get some new ones.

I'm so mad about Solitaire. Let me tell you, I cannot and will not appreciate the line distribution. It's not like Jin hyung has 4 seconds worth of lines, but the amount he has is still not enough. This song was meant for him. Look, I told them... I told them how I wanted it but the producer was like, "no, I know best" and changed it. Jin doesn't sing the ending or the chorus, just some random lines in the verse. I am so pissed off. This was my song. I want to do it my way. This isn't fair. 

He hides it, but he's upset too. I feel like it's all my fault. I was the one who got him excited. I was the one who told him that he's going to get a chance to showcase his skills, but nothing. He's going to be standing off to the side again. Perfect way to show his side profile. He's so upset. He was already upset and now this is getting him down even more. He just spends all his free time in his room. He says he's tired, but I can see right through his flimsy little lies. He's struggling. I know.

I'm sorry. I want to apologize. It's just... it's just a mess and I want to cry.

I wish I was the one in charge because, trust me, the distribution would've been very different. Jungkook is given too many lines, not that it is his fault, and its difficult for me to see him break down because of it.

Hoseok is screaming next door-

And it just so happens that we have more lyrics to write. My mind is absolutely blank. I poured everything into that song and they ruined it. 

OMG HOSEOK STOP SCREAMING, IT'S JUST A SPIDER, I'M TRYING TO WRITE HERE

The dance that Hoseok has been putting together is very cool. We start off facing each other, and then do a bunch of fancy moves, and yeah. Really really interesting. I'm so enthusiastic, I know. I don't feel like dancing to it anymore. I don't want to hear it. I feel bad. Everyone is working so hard, but I can't seem to care.

Ahhh someone just walked by my room.

I just checked, it was Jin hyung. I should go talk to him, I've really been meaning to. Maybe I should go now.

Okay, I'll come back and write a little later after I talk with him.

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Jin hyung was about to go to sleep. Dang.

On the plus side, his notebook was there and he asked me if I could look over it.

His lyrics. They're kind of sad, I can't explain it. Something in the way he writes is so sad, I can't explain. I wanted to ask him what this all meant, but he had already changed into his pajamas. He looked exhausted. I didn't want to bother him any further, so I left.

Dang, I wanted to talk more. 

I can't shake off the feeling that he's hiding something. I might be overreacting, but... something is wrong. This song is so sad. Something is bothering him. Every time I look at him, I worry. He's so terribly exhausted and moody all the time.

I will talk to him again tomorrow.

Oh my holy heck it is 2 am. I should sleep.

I'll write tomorrow after I talk to Jin. I will fix him, you'll see. I'll get him help.

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old note:

for anybody who is interested, there is a real song called Solitaire. it isn't by bangtan, it's by the carpenters. if you don't have anything against 70s music, i would highly recommend checking it out (video is up top on part 4). i guarantee you, her low note at the end will give you chills.

okk thank you for reading! this chapter is a bit early, so enjoy!

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