For Jin Hyung

23

Long entry for a long topic.

This is Yoongi, if you're wondering.

Jungkook found that note. It was in Jin's wallet. He started crying harder when he saw it (if that was even possible) and he didn't want to let go of it. I managed to explain to him that he would probably lose it and I would keep it safe. I taped it into this notebook. So yeah.

The awards show was a disaster. We won nothing but we still had to do a whole bunch of dumb photoshoots. Not to mention, all of us were just.... done for. I didn't know what to feel to be honest. Everything was just awful.

Jin is alright now, don't worry.

Okay, well, maybe I shouldn't say he's alright. He's not alright. But he's safe.

By the time the slow ass driver got us back to the hotel, the news had broken out. All over Twitter all I could see were fans getting worried and other fans raging. Some people were saying that because we went to the award show, we are heartless creatures who are unable to feel any kind of affection towards Jin. Apparently we don't care about Jin.

I wish those people got to see the way Namjoon nearly knocked Hobeum hyung out when the decision was made that we were going to go to the show. I wish they saw the way Jimin started screaming when he read the note, the way Taehyung tried to calm him down but ended up tearing up himself or the way Hoseok's eyes widened so much I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head and roll away. They don't know anything. Jungkook couldn't stand up because he was crying so much! And me... well, let's just say I cried too.

Don't make stupid accusations if you don't have any proof.

We went to the show because we had to, not because we wanted to.

Ugh, I'm tearing up again. Jin really has so much emotional control over me. If anything happens to him, then I get too worried.

Yes, I know. We're literally friendship goals.

I'm getting off topic again.

So anyway, we went back to the hotel. We were supposed to celebrate the win - if we won anything - with ARMY, but we did literally nothing. I don't think Namjoon even got out of his outfit. We just sat together in one of the rooms. All of our phones were right there as well, us waiting for a notification or a call to get us news about Jin. Every time there was a "ding", I thought I was going to cry.

But most of the time it was just Jimin's phone reminding him to drink water-

Around half past one, we got a call from Hobeum hyung. I thought I was going to start crying when I heard that Jin was safe. The police had found him.

I think that was the weirdest night of my life. We had expected ourselves to get a Grammy award that night, and we didn't get that. But... you know what I mean. Jin is so much more important. And he was safe.

I don't know all the details, I mean, I wasn't even there, but I'll tell you the things that I know.

Jin hyung was high-key out of it. The hotel staff who saw him leave said that he really just kind of, I don't how to describe it but just sort of... like blank. They said that he just looked blank. Imagine him being blank though. Him. Jin hyung. I feel sick when I think about it. I never saw it in him before, but these past few weeks, he was sometimes just, you know, blank in a way.

I can't imagine what the fans must've felt.

He was wandering around some neighbourhood. I don't know what exactly the name was. And somebody recognized him.

Not a fan.

Definitely not a fan.

You see, he ended up getting beat up. Not that badly, just a cracked lip and some cuts on his face and body. But that really set him off apparently? That's what I'm guessing.

He...

All I'm doing is writing a bunch of dots. I just can't focus. We came so close to losing him...

Yeah, I guess the words above explain what he tried to do.

I'm sitting beside him right now. He's asleep, I think, in the hospital bed. His hair is all messed up because I ran my fingers through it. The others are here as well. Jungkook keeps having nightmares of Jin actually succeeding. I won't be telling the truth if I say I don't freak out about the same thing.

I better get cracking on writing that song. I want to do it for him. And though my brain is going to work overtime and my hands are going to shake with all the coffee overdosing, I'm going to do it.

Because, all these days, I honestly never thought it would get this serious. I just... I knew something was bothering him, whether it was that song or if something else happened, I knew he was sad. But it's one thing to hear that your best friend is unhappy about something and to hear that they tried to take their own life.

I'm really tired, but I wouldn't be able to sleep if I tried.

Jin hyung looks so peaceful right now. I bet he's dreaming of something happy right now.

Hobeum hyung was in here too a while earlier. He was talking to the doctors with Namjoon because everyone here speaks English and I'm not really confident with my skills.

The news about the attempt hasn't reached the media yet, just the fact that he went missing so far, and I'm scared to think of how the world will react. If Jin receives any hate over this, I'll kill those losers. 

Jin hyung needs to be okay.

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the house is cold ugh

1022 words