heather - conan gray
play the song while reading this chapter
The last view Jeonghan had gotten of him was his back, covered with the grey blazer and his head full of black fluffy hair.
Slowly Jeonghan started to sink through his legs until the moment he collapsed on the cold ground, more tears threatening to fall as he himself fell in a state of shock. With big eyes he stared at the floor in front of him once he sat down, pulling his legs up to his chest and hugging them tightly.
It didn't took long before realization hit him like a train. His heart shattered in at least a million pieces. He felt like his troath was being choked and his lungs didn't support him anymore. After a few more seconds of staring in the depth of nothing with a blank expression of his face he came to his senses and tears started leaving his eyes one by one. Until he burst out and the tears rolled down his cheeks like waterfalls.
"C-cheollie.." He choked out before throwing his forehead on top of his knees, squeezing his eyes shut as if the moment he would open them again Seungcheol would just sit in front of him like always. He would be there to embrace him in his warm arms and pull him against his chest, occasionally pressing small kisses on his forehead and whispering sweet nothings in his ear to calm him down.
But when he looked up, filled with hope, Seungcheol wasn't there. The steady sound of his deep breathing got replaced by the utter silence of the room combined with the rain pouring and hitting against the window.
it's just a dream.. he'll be there with you when you wake up.. Jeonghan thought to himself when his eyes shot through the room, hoping to see Seungcheol at least somewhere in the dark. But no matter how many times his gaze wandered through the room, he just wasn't there.
And he wouldn't be anymore.
All Jeonghan wanted was to wake up from this horrible nightmare. To feel the safety again he felt when he was with Seungcheol. But had there ever been any? After hearing Seungcheol say he never even loved him..
Had he just been a waste of his time? Something to play with to let time pass before he had to do this mysterious thing he couldn't tell about. Would it actually ever make sense to him? Would there ever come an explanation to what had happened? Jeonghan wondered if there would ever come a time where he could find peace with the mess Seungcheol created and understand what it was for.
He regretted not listening to Yenna earlier. Although he knew he wouldn't have gotten any further, because she was probably just as deeply involved in this shit like Seungcheol. And if Jeonghan had to be honest, he didn't even want to understand it if she was the reason of Seungcheol leaving him behind in an unfamiliar house all by himself.
On a slow pace he started to rock his body back and forth, trying his hardest to imagine it was Seungcheol who gave him the comfort and who sat behind him to hush him to sleep.
Jeonghan leaned back against the tall closet and felt himself falling deeper in a slumber. Being too tired of the constant crying, he couldn't even keep his eyes opened anymore. He completely lost track of time and he couldn't remember how many minutes had passed since Seungcheol shut the door behind him.
Just as he was on the edge of falling asleep Jeonghan told himself it was all just a dream. He would wake up the next morning, having Seungcheol next to him under the sheets of the double bed. It had to be a dream, he didn't want to believe anything else.
Although he knew deep inside that it was just a lie he was repeating to himself so he would fall asleep and escape the pain he was feeling for at least a few hours..
