A Dance Of Blades and Hearts

seeing blind

The next few days pass in a blur, kiara is still unconscious and everyday she isn't awake cements fear in my heart.

Her brother and his fiancee are always with her, they had insisted on moving her to their quarters at first but the physician had said it wouldn't help her condition,

Azumi grudgingly agreed and they had been by her side ever since.

The physicians come in everyday to check on her and change her bandages, her skin was slowly gaining back it's color but her ribs and ankle were far from healed.

Azumi had been hostile about me being around her at first and was very vocal about it,

How fast he had gone from being like a friend to shooting me death glares wasn't something I blamed him for, I wouldn't like myself either.

He only relented after his fiancee had told him kiara would want me here, and it ate at my heart, just how wrong I treated her this past month, how she's like this cuz of me and how she told me she loved me knowing what she was about to do.

I've been such an idiot

I didn't even stop to consider that she still feels the same way too, I was scared of having hope, I was worried about so much and looking down at her unmoving body now, all that doesn't matter anymore,

Nothing Matters more than her.

I sit on the chair beside my bed watching her, heart aching.

Uncle had tried to get me to see the physicians but I insisted that I was fine, he didn't agree with me but had wordlessly taken over my activities.

He knew I wasn't in the right state of mind to do anything else, I'm at her side every night, and tonight isn't any different.

"I'm so sorry kiara " I say hand tucking in her hair,

Her quiet breaths were the only thing comforting me, stopping me from going insane with worry.

"you have to wake up soon, there's so much I need to tell you " I whisper, holding her hand.

I hadn't done that in years and somehow our hands still fit together

It's when I look at the other side of the bed that I see it

I gently pry the journal out from beneath my pillow, the one I had tried to read every night since she gave it me.

The one I had never been able too. My hands shake as I hold it, I look back at her face and inhale shakily.

I sit cross legged in mothers garden, staring down at the journal, heart beating into my ears.

I have no idea what I'll find if I open it, answers? Reasons?

I sigh and bring my hands to my face before looking up at the stars

"It's how you made me feel, it's how you've never stopped making me feel "

I inhale shakily, realizing that I never really let myself listen to her.

I pick up the journal and open it up, her beautiful calligraphy looking back at me.

I never thought I'd need to keep a journal, but my thoughts are everywhere and right now I can't even talk to my brother or my best friend.

I've been home for a week and it isn't any easier, I don't think it's ever going to get easier

I miss him, I miss him so much it hurts.

Walking away from him is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but there was so much more at stake than how I felt.