Homestuck Oneshots

DirkJake

If you havent noticed, a lot of these humanstuck/normalstuck, so yeah. 

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You were really excited. You were finally going to see Dirk in person!

You haven't had physical contact other than Jade since... wait. How long had it been again? Oh yeah. Since your grandmother died.

Anyway, Dirk was supposed to be arriving that afternoon, and you were trying to tidy up. Aka, get all of these bloody vines out of your house. You wished Jade was here, she would certainly speed up the cleaning process. But alas, she had gone to Washington to visit John and Jane. You were still struggling with some of the larger and tougher ones when your computer dinged. It was Dirk!

 timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgathasTerror [GT] at 14:23.

[TT]: hey man, im here.

[TT]: where the fuck are you?

Drat. You still hadn’t finished clearing out the vines, and even if you had, it would still be a mess. Your bed wasn’t made, some of your sweet posters were falling, there was trash on the floor, and it smelled faintly of mud and pee…

[GT]: oh, sorry about that chap. I had just been tidying up.

[TT]: what? Aw, man you didn’t have to

[TT]: you should see my room, bros always complaining about the spare parts and shit that block the door

[TT]: and it smells like motor oil

[GT]: I don’t mind!

[GT]: I needed to clean up anyways

[TT]: aw, and here I thought I was special

[GT]: yes, yes. Well im coming to get you now, sorry about making you wait

[TT]: nah man, its cool

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgathasTerror [GT] at 14:38.

You grabbed your guns (in case you met some dangerous creature) and ran out of your house, trying to get to the beach as quickly as possible. Needless to say, when you got there, you were out breath. When you saw Dirk, you smiled faintly and walked over, before plopping down by his feet.

“Hey Jake.” He said, before sitting down in front of you.

“Hello.” You replied, once you had caught your breath. “You’re shorter than I had imagined.” He seemed to be about 5’7” or 5’8”. Just a bit shorter than your own 5’10”. You had imagined him to be 6’0” at the very least.

“Hey, shut the fuck up, English. You’re only like, 2 inches taller than me. And you’re a lot more British than I thought you’d be.” He retorted.

“Haha. Yes, I’m the only one in the family who sounds like this. I’m not quite sure why…” you trailed off, thinking about nothing in particular. Dirk brought you back from whatever dream land you were in by snapping his fingers in your face. You started and quite nearly pistol whipped him, but stopped yourself before you did. Even if you hadn’t, he had had his arm up to stop yours, so no real harm was done. “Criminy, Dirk. Please, don’t do that next time. Just, call my name or something.”

He started laughing really hard. You were baffled as to why. “I did call your name, you goof. You were so spaced out, I had considered slapping you. Now, are we just gonna sit here like a couple of idiots, or are we gonna haul ass back to your place?”

You felt terribly silly now and got up. This time, you walked through the jungle, warning Dirk to be on the lookout. “There are many strange and dangerous creatures in here, so be careful.” He nodded and pulled a katana out of his bag. Fortunately both your guns and his sword were unneeded. You both made it back to your house in one piece.

“Wow. Uh, did it ever occur to you to, you know, build an actual fucking house? Not that this isn’t cool as shit, but is it safe? How the hell hasn’t it completely crumbled?” Dirk said. You chuckled a bit.

“Well, we used to have a tower, but it got destroyed a while back. This was the only part that had been even remotely livable. As for how it is still intact, I’ve got no idea. But it’s alright. We’ve added electricity and plumbing and heat and whatnot. Well, most of that was Jade, but I did help a bit.” You led him inside and spread out your arms. “Welcome. Now, you can sleep on my bed, I’ll take the couch, but be warned, my room is a right mess.”

“It can’t be that bad. And dude, no. You’re not sleeping on the couch. I’ll sleep on the couch, and you take the bed. Wait, what about Jade’s bed?” He told you.

You shook your head frantically. “No. No one is allowed in Jade’s room without her permission, and she has told me specifically not to even touch her door while she is gone. Besides, she has a very strange robot version of herself in there, sort of like your brobot. Except hers is on guard mode, and will kill anyone or anything that enters her room except for her. So no, that’s out of the question. As is you sleeping on the couch. You’re the guest, and you will be sleeping in comfort, whether you like it or not.” You declared. He began humming a bit. You weren’t quite sure why, and it concerned you.

“How big is your bed?” He finally asked. You were completely startled and put off by this question. It had not been what you were expecting.

“Uh i-it’s a queen, I think. Why?” You wondered what he was planning.

“Then we can both sleep on it. If you’re ok with that.”

“I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” You were actually more than ok with that. You had liked Dirk for quite some time now, and the thought of sharing a bed? Yes, perfect. Not that you wanted to do anything! Just cuddles and whatnot… ok, maybe there were some things you may possibly like to do to Dirk, but you weren’t going to act upon them. Not unless he wanted you to, of course.

“Alright. Well, before you make any rash decisions and shit, I’m just gonna let you know that I’m hella gay, so if you have changed your mind about sharing the bed, I’ll be happy to take the couch.” He blushed a bit, and you think he looked a bit self-conscious, but it was hard to tell what he felt or was thinking behind those anime shades of his.

You cleared your throat a bit before speaking. “No, I don’t mind. Actually…” you got a bit closer to him. Almost close enough to kiss him. Which was what you intended to do. It was now or never. “I prefer it this way.” You then leaned in the rest of the way, touching your lips to his, but only briefly.

When you pulled away, you backed up by a few steps, clearing your throat again. You could feel your face reddening. “And that’s the living room.” Dirk looked at you for a second, straight-faced, before he started laughing again. What was it this time?

“You are so fucking adorable, English.” He said, hugging you. “If you liked me, you could’ve just said something. I like you too.” You stood there in his arms, trying to take in what he just said. He likes you back?

“You- you do?” You asked when you had gotten your brain working again.

“Of course I do. How the hell could I not? You’re just so likeable. Cute, funny, adventurous. And you made the first move by even inviting me over here.” He let go and kissed you softly. “Now, let’s continue the tour, shall we?”

The rest of the day was spent talking, sloppy makeouts, cuddling, and watching movies that neither of you were really paying attention to. You were just a bit too busy with… other things ;). 

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Wonk.