IT'S COMPLICATED

HAUNT ME

It's been almost half an hour, James is still crying. I am sitting beside him on the sofa and he can barely let a word out without choking.

I am sitting beside him, helplessly trying to get him to stop crying.
He takes a sharp breath and wipes his face with his hands.
I am very much OCD regarding hygiene so, I immediately hand him a towel from the kitchen counter before he makes a mess by wiping it on his navy blue sweater!

I gave him that for our 2 year anniversary and let me tell you it was not cheap! It cost me a quarter of my salary. 

I have always been extremely careful when it comes to spending money.

My mother died in a car accident when I was just 12. My father loved my mother very much.
Just a week after her funeral, my father slowly became an alcoholic and a drug addict. He loved my mother so much that he didn't leave room in his heart to ever love me.
Soon he gave in to gambling and lost all his money. Later that year he was arrested for illegal possession of weapons.
My custody was given to my Grandparents.
They didn't have much money to provide for my school tuition fee after 10th grade. So at the age of 15 I started to gather money.
I worked at local bookstores around the corner. You know the small ones from where people usually buy magazines only when it's raining. It didn't help much because the store itself was running on loss. I took up babysitting as another job side by side.
Since I had to work longer hours at the book store, I used to spend hours at the cash counter and read each and every book in that store that I could get my hands on.
Maybe this is why I have such immense love for reading and this is definitely the reason why I hate spending money on useless things.

'Anna?' It's James.
'Yes babe?' 
'Could I get a glass of water?' James coughs.
'Sure honey, wait a sec' I run to the counter and grab a glass and pour water all up to the rim and hand it to him.
He drinks it all in one gulp and keeps it on the coffee table.
'Are you sure you wanna talk about this? Its okay if you don't want to.' I assure.
'No, you more than any one needs to hear this, you need to know ' he takes my hand in his and kisses it.

He loves me so much. I don't deserve him. 

A tear escapes from my eye. He wipes it away with the back of his hand.

'Linda is my biological mother's daughter-' He reveals.

I weirdly feel relieved and panicked at the same time.

'She is 2 years older than me. We both were left at the orphanage. Jeff initially had taken us both under his care, we grew up together but when we were in high school something happened. It was a tragic incident that sent her into such a shock that she almost took her life-' his voice starts trembling. 'and it was all my fault. If I hadn't said that, maybe none of this ever happened' he sobs.

I gasp. James can never do anything to hurt someone so brutally. I refuse to believe it.

'James-' I rub his back.

'It's okay Ann' He looks at me. His eyes are bloodshot.

'Can I ask, what had happened?' 

'Linda had an encounter with her ex at a party. He and some other guys forced themselves on her. She tried to tell me. But I was too wasted and preoccupied with fucking beer pong that I couldn't hear her out. I told her to-' she takes a sharp breath "Get. over. it" he says between sobs.

'Later that night, we found her in her room, she was bleeding on the floor with her wrists slit' He continues sobbing.

Now I am crying too. 

'She was rushed to the hospital and kept in the ICU for a whole month. Those fucking bastards at the party damaged her organs. Due to internal bleeding, she couldn't use her hands let alone move them and all of this was because of me!' He yells out.

'James, none of this was your fault-' I take his face in my hands. He moves it away.

'Yes it was Ann, she was in and out of rehab for a year. Until one day, she ran away from home. She had got hold of our father's location and ran away to San Fransisco to stay with him.'

He looks at me to find that I am crying too. He wipes my tears and continues.

'She had left a note before she left. In that note, she stated how much she detested me. I felt ashamed, maybe that is why I never contacted her. I was scared. What if she still hates me.' He says.

 I have nothing to say. This whole thing is too complicated. I want to help him reconcile with Linda. He has no family here in New York. Jeff lives in Berkshire. 

'Linda had no idea that the company she is tying up with is owned by me, she said since she has signed a million dollar contract with us she intends to do her job and keep professional relations with me.' He is not crying anymore. He is hurt.

The rest of the day, James doesn't say much about this. He is unusually silent.

At night I get a mail from Hilltop. I don't want to talk about the whole Linda's publishing firm job application with James. So before opening the mail I don't tell him.

Dear Ms. Hart,

We are pleased to inform you that you have secured the internship at Hilltop Publishing. We request you to join from tomorrow. Please find the documents containing an office handbook and legalities of our terms and conditions attached below.

Thank You.

Yours Sincerely,

Secretary, Amelia Dockinson.

Oh Thank God!

In the morning, I leave before James wakes up. I paste a post-it note on the fridge before leaving, telling him where I have gone and about the job.

I order a takeaway hot mocha at New Moore Café. I don't usually drink coffee. But on days like this, when I have to wake up early I need a pick me up so mocha is my go-to order.

Today is my first day so in order to make a good impression I decided on wearing a beige pantsuit paired with a white button down shirt and pulled over a beige blazer. My hair is in a neat pony today. I even made the extra effort and wore a small golden necklace matched with my small dangling butterfly earrings.

I enter the office building and I am greeted by the secretary of the CEO, Amelia. Amelia is a woman in her thirties but looks as if she is in her twenties. Amelia has blonde hair that is neatly pinned up in a bun. She wears a long blue A-line leather skirt paired with a tucked black button down shirt. She loves hugs. According to her handshakes send off a rude message. As she sees me enter the lobby she squeals and pulls me into a hug 'Anna! I knew you'd get the job! You had a flawless résumé!'

'Thank you!' I say rather awkwardly. I am not a very social person and I get awkward when people compliment me.

She takes my hand and leads me into the employee working space. Amelia announces, 'Listen up people! This is Anna Hart. She will be interning here so please introduce yourselves.'

A girl with jet black hair comes forth. She wears a cute glittered slightly cropped black sweater and ripped jeans. I love her purple cat-eye glasses. 

'Hey, I am Camila. Camila Arrington. I am from the cover designing department. You'll love it here!' She talks really fast.

'Oh! You are so beautiful, I love your sense of style. I am hoping to hangout with you soon' I smile.

She becomes bashful so she smiles back and readjusts her glasses.

Soon a swarm of employees come forth and introduce themselves.

'Hey! Hey! Hey! What's going on? Is there a party I don't know about!' A laugh booms.

Everyone's heads turn and they yell in surprise, 'Boss!'

Amelia jokingly accuses, 'You have got to stop sneaking up on us Will!'

OH NO!