IT'S COMPLICATED

ROCKY ROAD.

I knock on Amelia's door. I ran out of the apartment after I received her call. I had to drive round and round until I found Amelia's apartment. Who knew she lived at such a confusing place!

I left a note on the nightstand for James saying that Amelia had forgotten her keys to her house at the office in my drawer.She kept it for safe keeping so she needed me to be there to open my desk drawer. I am tired of lying to him so much.

'Oh Anna! Thank Goodness you are here!' Amelia jumps to hug me.

I gag at the smell of vomit on her clothes.

'Oh sorry! I should have changed. Come in!' She tells me nervously once she notices my uneasiness.

I enter the house and It's a mess! Buckets, mops and medicines thrown around the house.

'Will is stable now. He can't talk that properly right now because I gave him sleeping pills. He needs sleep.' She tells me while showing me around the house.

'Yes, yes. What happened to Will?' I ask.

'I don't know yet. He won't tell me. He kept uttering your name. He kept on telling me to call you so I did. I think by morning we'd know.'

'If he is sleeping, should I stay or-'

'No. No. No. Please stay! Will keeps waking up and calling for you.'

'Oh. Okay then. I'll help you clean up here till he wakes up.'

Amelia nods.

It's almost five in the morning when we are finally done cleaning the whole house. Amelia and I look horrible. We smell horrible!

'Anna! Help me! Help me! I can't breathe!' Will's screaming pierces through my ears.

I drop everything on the floor and dash to the room.

I plop beside him and lay my hand on his forehead. His screaming slowly reaches to a halt. He is burning up.

'Amelia! Bring the thermometer!' I call out.

Amelia rushes in holding a thermometer in one hand and the medicine box in the other.

It's seven fifteen when I look at my watch. Will is finally asleep. I decide on heading home to change and then head out to the office.
When I reach home, I see James quietly having his cereal on the kitchen counter.

He notices me entering the apartment and his face lights up.

'Hey beautiful! Amelia got her key back?' He asks me cheerfully.

'Yeah! She did!' I almost forgot I lied to him.

'What's that awful smell?' James sniffs.

'Oh actually I dropped off Amelia at her house. Her nine year old niece had dehydration so she was throwing up everywhere. So, I helped her clean up.' I give him a nervous smile.

'Oh well. Do change your clothes before you leave for work.' James calls out as I walk into the bedroom.

'Yeah! Duh!'

'You and your American words!' He mocks.

'You and your British sarcasm!' I reply.

I suddenly realized I left my phone at the kitchen counter. What if Amelia calls and James answers it! Shit I need to get it.

I wrap a towel around myself and tip toe into the living room. I can feel James's eyes on me. I reach out for the phone on the counter but before I can James corners me.

I cannot do this with James. He holds my face and presses a kiss onto my lips. I kiss him back mechanically. His fingers travel across my skin. Nothing happens. No feelings arouse in me. It never did infact. James and I have had our fair shares of rendezvous with each other but nothing has ever shifted to make me feel whatever I feel with Will. He wraps his hands around my waist. Still nothing.

I slip from his grip because I am not having it and I am late for work. I flash a nervous smile at him and dash to my room.

I close the door and I immediately fall on to the floor. I take a deep breath to calm my self. Did I ever truly love him? He loves me but what about me? Don't I love him? I thought I did. But after Will's re-entry in my life I doubt.

Before I head out the door, James calls out to me. 'Anna? Wait a minute, I'll give you a ride.'

'Okay.'
....

The rest of the day at work, I couldn't focus on anything. I was too worried about Will to think about things. On top of that, I need to break the news of my wedding to Will soon. I don't have much time that I can waste.

Amelia didn't come in today so I decided on going out for lunch with Camila.

...

'So you and Will? Possible rekindling?'

I choke on my hot cocoa.

'What?' I ask recovering from a coughing fit.

'Don't tell me that there is nothing going on. I know everything.' She tells me while moving her index finger over her coffee cup rim.

I sigh. 'What do you know?'

'My best friend told me.'

It can't be. 'Who is your best friend?' I ask.

'You might know her, Serena Stone. She told me you guys were friends in high school. But stuff happened and you two don't talk anymore.'

'Oh! Serena? Wow. You must know everything then?'

By 'everything' I mean all those high school dramas I had to face.

'Yeah! I do actually. I hope you don't mind. Please don't think of me as a creep!' She clasps her hands together and starts apologizing.

'No. No. No! Why would I? Thank God someone here knows! It gets boring when I can't talk about stuff like this to anyone.' I genuinely mean it. It does get unbearable sometimes.

'So, possible rekindling?' She asks and my face breaks out into a smile.

'Might be.'

Then I spill everything to her from how we were in high school to what's been going on up till today. I didn't leave anything out this time. I told her about the future conflict that might arise between James and I. I told her about Brooklyn too and where she is living, everything. She listened to all of it with her mouth wide open.

She takes a sip from her coffee cup and finally speaks, 'You know Ann, I think you should be honest with both of them. James and Will. Will knows this day had to come and James will figure out the whirlwind romance between you and Will soon enough. Be honest before it's too late. I know you are conflicted about what to break to whom first. To figure that out I would definitely tell you to think it through. Because you don't want to lose the one neither do you want to give up your happiness just to make the other person happy. I know it sounds corny but follow your heart.'

After her long but power-packed speech, I can't help but think, I never truly loved James. He was there when I was broken. I seeked comfort which I found in him. He was my safe space he will forever be. But Will, he isn't. He is not perfect. He gets angry. He has a big ego. He would never fess up about how he really feels. Instead he will decide to hide his feelings because his mind always comes in between and makes him believe that this, whatever that is between us won't last. But I love our small banters. How he knows how to give me a pep talk after a long and tiring day. How he tries to fulfil my every fantasy no matter how much he hates it. I love him. I love William Matthew. I always did. Right since junior high, I love him.
....

After the office hours end, I drive to Amelia's house. I need to tell Will how I feel. Right the hell now. I knock on her door. I look at my phone camera and fix my hair before Will sees me.

The door creaks open and so does my jaw drop to the floor.

'Hey Anna! What are you doing here?'

Amelia pushes her head through the gap between her and the door.

'Ann! You have met Linda haven't you! Will and you are so close you two must have!'

I am too perplexed to even nod. Linda answers instead, 'Yeah we have! She and Will have gotten really close haven't they?' I recognize that Malicious tone at once.

I am in for trouble.