Autumn Angel | JHS ✔

.twenty-seven.

The moment I step out of the taxi, a girl walks up to me. "Unnie! I am your biggest fan. Can we have a picture?" 

I stare at her, my mind blanking for a moment. In the corner of my eye, I spot other girls holding up their phones to take pictures and another larger, more professional camera can be spotted hiding. 

"Um, I-" 

"We apologize but she is not available for pictures. We are going to ask that you leave." I look over to spot my savior. A tall man wearing a bright neon vest is standing next to us. "Please come with me," he says, looking at me. 

Without hesitation, I follow him to the entrance of the building. "Thank you," I tell him once I get inside. 

He nods. "Of course. We all know you're not yet used to this lifestyle yet, and we've been told to extend security towards you. I want to say your situation may have been better if you were wearing a mask or sunglasses, but with your darker skin, I'm not entirely sure. Regardless, on behalf of the rest of the security team here, I want to ask that you try your hardest to maintain safe." 

I rub my ear. Everything was so new. Everything was so weird. The only thing I'm left to do is dumbly nod and then bow when he bends at the waist and then walks away. It takes a moment for me to recompose myself before moving onto the front desk. 

The lady stands up and bows. "We've been expecting you, Autumn-ssi. Here is your key card. This one is permanent and can be actively used within the building unless deactivated." 

I accept the card with two hands and walk over to the elevator. Autumn-ssi. The romanized Korean of my English name sounds awkward and weird, but considering how my English name was used in my main social media usernames, it would make sense if that was the title I would be known under. 

When the elevator door opens, Hoseok is waiting for me. "Angel." His expression is sad and downcast. 

I step out of the car and towards him. "What's wrong? Why did you call me to the building?" 

"Follow me. Everything will be explained at the meeting." 

For the second time within a week, I'm led into a large room with a table and chairs set around it. For the second time within a week, I walk into the meeting room, full of a tense, awkward atmosphere. I feel like fainting out of exhaustion from such a draining ambience. I was getting sick and tired of walking into environments like these. This time, there are less people seated around the table, but still more than I would like. Everyone stands up when I walk into the room and we bow in greeting. 

I take a seat next to Hoseok. "If I'm going to be honest, I'm not entirely sure why I was called here." 

There's a momentary silence, everyone waiting for someone else to drop the news on me. 

"It might just be better to show you, Autumn." A tablet is slid in my direction and I scroll through the article. But just like last time, I don't bother reading any words; the pictures were enough. Pictures of Jay and me eating together, talking together, and even all the way up to when he dropped me off at my apartment building. After scrolling through everything, I don't even know how I'm feeling. At this point, I'm still numb to everything. I want to draw. All I want to do right now is draw. I am so exhausted. And so the only thing I'm left to do is cry. 

"Angel?" Hoseok asks softly beside me. 

"I'm sorry," I manage out through my silent tears. "It's just...I'm sorry. This is just so exhausting." 

An arm carefully rests on my shoulders and the familiar weight of Hoseok's hand rubs up and down my arm. The tears feel nice, but I know it won't do anything, and I know that in this professional environment, I have to keep my composure. My hands wipe away my tears and I look up at everyone's understanding expressions. 

"What are our options?" I ask. My voice is steady and firm, so used to having to act confident and unafraid in situations where it just wants to break. 

"Hoseok did mention that he was a close friend of both of yours. We can just send out a statement that you guys are close friends. We just needed confirmation from you." 

I nod. "Close friends. Only friends. Nothing more." 

Their manager smiles. "Great. The articles will be taken care of." 

"But not the prying eyes." Finally, their CEO speaks up. "Luckily, these articles contained content we could deal with in a simpler way with a more obvious answer. The pictures also weren't overly suspicious, so it certainly is much easier to deal with. However, if these kinds of articles continue to pop up, it's going to get harder and harder to deal with." 

I nod in understanding. 

"You have to be careful. With everything. Especially because we only confirmed the relationship yesterday, you will be watched more now than ever. Every single moment and social media post will be judged and analyzed." 

I shake my head. "So what, am I not allowed to hang out with Jay anymore?" 

"Not necessarily," Hoseok says beside me, "But if you do want to hang out with him, we suggest you bring me along." 

I bury my face in my hands. "You have got to be kidding me. I can't even hang out with my friends?" 

My question is met with silence. 

"I'm sorry, Angel," Hoseok says softly. 

"Seriously," I say, looking up at everyone at the table, "how do you do it? Every portion of your life getting controlled?" 

"You get used to it," Namjoon answers. "Once you're able to acknowledge the existence of both the positives and negatives and realize this is the situation you're in, you try your best to make the best out of your position and start to really appreciate the life you have. It's hard, Noona. But it does get better. We've been there, and we're here to help you through it." 

"You know what this reminds me of?" I turn to Hoseok, laughing, because I'm not sure how else to react. "My relationship with Seung-goon. Only now, he's been replaced with the eyes of society." 

Just like Seung-goon, society now controlled every portion of my life and I had to bend at their will to please them. Hoseok gives me a sad smile and I continue laughing, afraid that if I didn't laugh, I would cry instead. Everyone else at the table shifts awkwardly, unsure of what I was referencing or why I was laughing. 

"Sorry," I say through giggles. I probably looked crazy. Whatever, I felt like I was losing my mind anyway.

I'm finally able to calm down and Bang Si-Hyuk continues, "Also, we want to urge you to start to be more active on social media. Show the world what kind of person you are and have them fall in love with you. Make them approve and keep them interested. If we truly want to follow through with making this relationship public, you need to be active online as well." 

I bury my face in my hands. Again. I take a deep breath and five seconds later, I look up. "I've been avoiding social media for awhile," I admit. "I don't know how I would exactly react if I saw all the hate comments." 

"Just don't look at them," Yoongi answers. "It's hard. You're curious. But considering how this is all new to you, I'm quite positive you wouldn't really know how to deal with them. The only solution is to force yourself to not look at them at all. Post what you need to and then click off the platform. Delete the app if you need to. Just don't look at the comments until you think you're ready and you're better accustomed to the situation. I also suggest you have someone next to you when you look at the comments for the first time." 

I nod, the overflow of information causing my brain to stop working. I was not smart enough to process all of this at once. "I'll put out more content," I say firmly, although I feel extremely small. I wanted to break down and cry, but I knew I shouldn't with everyone watching me in this professional environment. 

Hoseok's arm hasn't left my shoulder this entire time and his hand squeezes as I answer. "There's nothing else to say, right?" he asks. "Great, I guess that means the meeting is over," he continues before anyone can even respond. "That means you guys should leave." 

I hear the rustle of chairs being pushed in and the door shuts as the last person walks out. I cry.