Autumn Angel | JHS ✔

.fourteen.

My lips spread into a yawn as Hoseok opens the door for me. A bell dingles overhead and a girl behind the counter looks up. "Welcome," she says, straightening up and plastering on a smile. 

I walk up to her and Hoseok stays behind, keeping his head down and face covered with a mask. "Is there a more private place we can sit at?" I ask. "A place that guarantees privacy?" 

The girl stares at me for a second before answering, "We have seating areas upstairs if you want to try that. I can't guarantee privacy, however. I apologize." 

I rub my ear. "That's okay. Thank you." I walk back to Hoseok and repeat what the girl had told me. 

He nods. "I guess we'll just go upstairs then. I'm sure we can make it work. Oh, and can you order the churros for me? I'll grab us a spot upstairs." 

A couple of minutes later, I'm walking up with a basket of churros, two slices of cake, and another plate of different breads. Hoseok's back is turned to me when I reach the top, his face hidden from anyone that might come up here. He looks out the floor-to-ceiling windows, the sun hitting him at such an angle it seems like he's the one radiating sunlight himself. I force myself to tear my gaze away and focus instead on balancing the food and walking without tripping. Finally, I reach our table at the end of the room. 

"You carried all of that? I'm sorry, I should have helped." 

I shake my head and sit down. "It's fine. It's better if you keep your back to the stairway." 

Immediately, Hoseok starts to quietly sing the "Happy Birthday" song and I break out into a grin, clapping along with him. At the end, both of us clap and I blow out an imaginary candle. 

"What did you wish for?" 

I shoot him a look as I put a bite of tiramisu into my mouth after swallowing my pill. "A shopping spree with Jung Hoseok." 

He laughs. "Maybe one day. Let's hope the fairy is kind of enough to make that happen." 

My hand lifts to cover another yawn. It felt like that was the third one within the past minute. 

"Are you tired? Do you want to go back to your apartment?" 

I shake my head. "I just couldn't get enough sleep last night because I ate that pizza without taking the pill." 

It takes a moment for the gears to click in Hoseok's mind and when they do, his eyes widen in realization. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?" 

I smile and take another bite of the spongy goodness. "I'm okay. Just forgot I was lactose intolerant for a hot second." 

Hoseok shakes his head and reaches forward to grab a croissant. His fingers tear off a piece, stretching out the layers of the puffed-out shape. "How do you forget about your lactose intolerance? That's like forgetting about an allergy." 

I laugh. "I didn't forget. It's just a phrase I say. I guess I was too lazy to actually get up and find the pill. I tend to forget about how painful indigestion can be except for when I'm actually experiencing it so I always think it'll be more tolerable than it actually is. Plus, pain is temporary. I refuse to allow it to get in the way of my fully enjoying life." 

Hoseok chews, smiling at me. He looks at me like I'm a sort of treasure chest he needs to figure out how to unlock. "You sound fearless right now. Is there anything you're afraid of?" 

"Of course. We're all afraid of something." I rub my ear. "Moving too fast," I finally get out. "Roller coasters would be one example. The way the world flies by you and you have no control over anything at all, it's terrifying." 

Hoseok grins. "I'm afraid of heights. I guess both of us can never go into an amusement park then." 

I laugh. "We should definitely go anyway just to make fun of ourselves." 

Both of us smile, imagining what a mess that would be. I can visualize the high-pitched screams we would emit endlessly, begging for the extension of our lives, all while smiling as brightly as always and tears being forced out of our eyes due to the speed of the ride. 

"Is there anything you want to do for your birthday? Any traditions you do annually?" 

Another rub of the ear. "My parents never really gave me a birthday. They would ask me if I wanted anything as a gift and would buy me whatever I asked for. They kind of just looked at it as a holiday to deal with by simply providing money. There was never really any meaning." 

"What about your friends? Did they not do anything?" 

I give Hoseok a small smile. "I didn't mind. Maybe because they were never a big deal in my life, but I never minded the fact that my birthday was never celebrated at large. I would hang out with friends on my birthday just for the sake of celebrating, but they never knew the significance of the day. No one really knows when my birthday is except for Jay and my parents and I honestly don't even mind." 

Hoseok tilts his head, still trying to process everything. "You need someone to spoil you. Someone to show you how special you truly are." 

I laugh. "I don't need spoiling." 

"People that have never had it are the ones that deserve it most." 

I just continue to smile at Hoseok. "What about you? Don't you deserve spoiling?" 

"I'm already way too spoiled." He tears another piece of his croissant and places it in his mouth before resting his arm on his lifted knee. "The opportunities I'm given, the amount of people that support me. My life is basically everyone's fantasy. In this moment, I'm happy and I have no regrets." 

I tilt my head at him. "There has to be some negative aspects. Life isn't that nice." 

He chuckles. "You're right. It's hard to deal with the lack of privacy and when thinking about having to one day disband, it can be really terrifying. All of my members struggle through something similar but we've all learned how to not let it consume us. I think one of the things we do best is trying our hardest and putting in maximum effort in the moment and just allowing whatever to stem from our hard work. As long as we give our all in the moment, we learned that we end up achieving goals we didn't even know we had. We didn't think like this at first, but as we continued to endure and overcome, I think we've all reached a point of equanimity." 

I stare at him. "This is usually where I would make a sarcastic comment but dang, that was too deep I don't think I can ruin the moment." 

Hoseok laughs. "You can go ahead. I don't mind." 

I shake my head and sigh. "The moment already passed; a lost opportunity." 

Another laugh from Hoseok. "Have you always been like this? Never taking anything seriously?" 

I grin and raise my eyebrows. "Unhealthy coping mechanisms?" I ask, taking a sip of my drink and looking at him over the rim of the cup. 

He looks at me. "You seem to have a lot of those." 

I shrug. "I guess it's also just kind of become my personality. I was always the jokester growing up so I kind of feel a pressure to make others laugh when I'm around them. I don't mind too much. It's nice to know you have a personality decent enough to make others laugh and bring happiness." 

Hoseok tilts his head and I mimic the movement with a smile. He just shakes his head and pops the remains of the croissant in his mouth before reaching forward to grab a churro. Hoseok grins up at me as he bends the sugared strand at the top to create a heart shape. 

"Churro heart," he says with his smile wide, his voice raised in pitch to add a cute effect. "For the lady," he says, extending his craft to me. 

I take it, laughing. "Thank you, kind gentleman." 

We grin at each other as the food in front of us slowly starts to disappear piece by piece. More laughter is shared, more secrets spilled, and I find myself opening up to another guy for the first time in three years.