Autumn Angel | JHS ✔

.twelve.

"Happy birthday to me," I say with a bitter laugh. 

Hoseok's fingers gently wrap around my shoulder and waist as he helps me stand onto my feet. I numbly allow him to take me to the couch and set me down. 

"Is there a first aid kit?" 

"Medicine cabinet in the bathroom," I whisper. 

Hoseok leaves my side for a moment before returning again with a white box. I watch Hoseok move through the eyes of another person. Right now, my mind is feeling and thinking nothing at all. I watch him tear open the packet holding the antiseptic wipe through a movie screen. I feel disconnected from any sensation or feeling, no longer part of this present world. 

He takes my wrist carefully and runs the wipe over the painting. It stings, but my wrist is already in pain so I give no reaction. Hoseok rubs a clear gel over the red and covers it finally with a large bandaid. His eyes finally meet mine as he lifts my hand to gently kiss the covered marks. The wrist is starting to burn and tingle, a feeling I'm used to, but uncomfortable and painful nonetheless. 

"I'll be right back. I'm not going anywhere." 

Hoseok leaves again and I stare at the empty space on the couch, sounds being heard in the back of my mind. The rummaging through a kitchen, water running, the clicks of the stove being turned on, the tear of paper and the rustle as it gets discarded into the trash. Hoseok's bare feet tap against the wooden floor as he walks over to me and folds my fingers around the ceramic mug. His leg folds under him as he sits on one foot, the other one hanging off the edge of the couch and resting on the floor. 

"Thank you," I whisper, my vocal chords still unable to function. I blow on the mug and slowly tilt it back to allow the hot herb liquid flood my mouth. 

Hoseok reaches over to pet my head before dropping it down to rest on my shoulder, rubbing his thumb back and forth. We stay silent for a few minutes as he gives me some time to gather myself together. After finishing half the cup of tea and focusing on the relaxing strokes of Hoseok's thumb, I take in a deep breath and finally look up at Hoseok. 

"Why are you here?" I ask. 

He turns around and points to a box on the breakfast table. "I had planned on coming earlier but there were some things at work that caught me up. I was hoping we could celebrate your birthday with some late-night pizza." 

I give him a small smile and walk over to pick up the box. I bring it over to the coffee table, set it down, and open the lid. "Thank you," I say, taking my own slice and sitting down next to him again. 

Hoseok reaches forward to grab his own. I close my eyes after taking the first bite, savoring the explosion of flavors. It had been awhile since I last had pizza. Why does everything unhealthy have to taste so good? When I open my eyes, Hoseok is grinning at me, his dimples peeking through and his own mouth filled with food. I return a quiet smile. 

"My ex came to visit," I say, knowing it was time for me to explain. Hoseok's eyes remain on me and nods in encouragement to continue. I shake my head and laugh. "I can't believe he actually found me. After a year of not seeing him and thinking I finally escaped, he found me. Came to wish me a happy birthday. Said a couple of things I won't bother mentioning." 

I close my eyes and bite my tongue, remembering his words. My wrist starts to throb and my free hand covers the bandaid. Hoseok's hand covers mine and I open my eyes to look up at his smiling face. 

"You are so incredibly strong," he says in a low voice. His eyes pierce into mine, communicating with me how he's feeling. "The fact that you've survived through this alone is incredible. It shows that you really are unbreakable. But you don't have to do that anymore." Hoseok's thumb starts to rub back and forth on the caramel surface of my knuckles. "You don't have to struggle alone anymore. I hope you know that." 

I nod. "I know," I respond with a small smile matching his own. A look of comfort and understanding passes between us. "I know." 

Hoseok leans forward the same time I do and we wrap our arms around each other. I take this moment to inhale. A dark, masculine scent hits my nostrils, but a second later, the slightest hint of something sweeter follows. Masculine oranges. I start to laugh at the contrasting terms. 

"What's so funny, Angel?" Hoseok says, his lips right next to my ear. Hoseok's breath nicks my skin, the warm temperature causing my heart to momentarily stop. 

"Nothing," I say with a grin. "Don't worry about it." 

Hoseok tilts his head and the tip of his nose hits the curve of my neck. "Vanilla," he comments, his breath now fanning across my collar bones. 

"My perfume," I answer. 

He just inhales again and both of us laugh. "It's lovely, Angel." 

I realize then that this has shifted from a comforting embrace to something more. Something more intimate, private, exclusive. A feeling starts to bloom in my chest; a feeling I haven't felt in awhile. Hoseok leans back and both of us stare down at our laps, unable to meet the other's gaze. I reach up to rub my ear when Hoseok's fingers wrap around my wrist. I look over at him as a wild blush appears on his cheeks. 

He clears his throat. "I noticed you do that a lot. Rubbing your ear." 

I turn my head to look at my hand. "Just an old habit I guess. When I'm uncomfortable or nervous." 

Hoseok's eyebrows raise for a split second before a wicked grin appears on his face. He lifts his arm and rests his elbow on the back of the couch, his arm cradling the side of his neck and his torso pointed towards me. "Do I make you uncomfortable? Nervous?" 

I catch myself right before my hand lifts to my ear again. I clear my throat and look to the side, unable to meet his questioning, amused expression. "Hobi, you're the most comfortable I've ever been with a guy. You know that." 

"Comfortable? Really?" Hoseok's other hand lifts to cradle the side of my own neck and I lift my gaze to look up at him. 

He starts to slowly lean forward, his eyes dropping to my lips. My breath catches in my throat. I want this. I wanted this. Right? I liked Hoseok. He was a gentleman, a genuine guy. So then why was I so nervous? I trusted him. I trusted him. But as he leans closer, flashbacks of what I had to experience in the past run across my eyes and I completely freeze up, unable to lean closer or push him away. 

Right before his lips touch mine, Hoseok's hand around my neck applies pressure to tilt my head down, allowing his lips to instead press against my forehead. I look up at him and his eyes drop to meet mine. 

"I like you, Angel," Hoseok runs a hand through his hair and lets out a sigh, "but I don't want you to freeze up like that again. If you don't feel comfortable with anything, tell me. I won't do anything until I'm positive you're okay with moving forward first. I want you to learn how to trust me. Trust that I won't hurt you." 

I reach up to wrap my arms around Hoseok's neck and he comes forward willingly. "Where have you been all my life?" I ask, tears about to well up from how relieved I was. 

He just chuckles and pets my hair. "I'm here for you, Angel. I'm here to support every action." 

I lean back from the hug and smile up at him. "I know, Hobi. I know." 

He just grins down at me, reaching for another slice of pizza and handing it to me. I take it, laughing, and both of us relax into the couch, talking until the city starts to relax, the pizza is long gone, and both of our eyelids start to droop. The last thing I hear before I fall asleep is the smooth voice of Hoseok's singing.