Impossible Love // Michael Clifford

5SOS: the most perfect band ever

"Mom." I said, holding back a scream when she got home five minutes later. "I won." I looked at her with wild eyes, hers confused.
"Won what?"
"That contest I entered last month. To see 5sos. And meet them. I won."
"That's great! When's the show?"
The weekend before Disney.
"This weekend. It's on Saturday. It says on the details that a hotel room has been paid for the whole weekend and a town car has been hired to pick us up and drive us around without us paying for anything but merchandise."
"Well that's convenient. What time will we be leaving?"
"It says Friday after school. Then we stay in the hotel, Saturday before the concert the town car can bring us anywhere in Tallahassee we want to see." My wild eyes locked onto hers again. "Mom. I. Won. The. Contest. To. Meet. My. Babies."
"I. Know. Calm. Down."
"MOM IM GONNA MEET MY BABIES!" I screamed and fell to the floor in a fake faint.
Mom laughed so hard I thought she was was gonna pee herself. She didn't but it would've been hilarious if she had.
"Mom I'm gonna cry." I said, tearing up a bit.
~
Five days later we were in the hotel in Tallahassee.
"It didn't say in the contest details that we'd be in a suite." My mom said excitedly. "I shower first!" She called, running to the bathroom.
I laughed. My mom was 43 physically, but mentally, she was still around 22.
I looked into the room I'd be in and smiled huge.
Everything was blue.
Just how I liked it.
"I LOVE THIS HOTEL!" I yelled, jumping on the bed a few times before falling back and resting among the pillows.
A few minutes later a serviceman came by wondering when we were planning on going around the city.
"Oh, after my mom gets out of the shower." I smiled. He nodded and left.
Well.
That was awkward.
He was kinda cute though.
~
"Mom we've seen everything already. Can we just go to the place where they're performing?" I whined.
"Fine, fine." she said, and gave the address to the town car driver.
We got there and I squealed. It was so spacious!
"This show is going to be amazing."
"Sure is."
I'm so glad my mom came with me. None of my friends like 5sos as much as me. My mom adores them, though. It's hilarious really. We go through tumblr together sometimes and she gets excited like I do at 5sos pictures or gifs.
~
After the show I showed the security guard my contest winning back stage pass. I was the only one backstage. Other than my mom, but she was chatting up the security so I could meet my babies.
I turned away from her and ran SMACK, right into Ashton.
"Oh, shit, sorry." I said, looking up at him with my wild, blue eyes.
"It's fine, love. I'm guessing you won the contest?" He smiled, that adorable smile I loved.
I nodded. I couldn't speak, I mean, Ashton motherfucking Irwin was right in front of me!
"I love your hair. Green and blue looks really good, it brings out your eyes." He giggled and pulled me into a tight hug. I squealed the smallest bit and squeezed.
Again I couldn't speak.
I was hugging the best friend of my husband.
I let go of Ashton but he held onto me for anther second.
He looked around and then back to me.
"I'm always last to let go. I never know how long you'll need it." He whispered.
I started to tear up, I showed him my arm, lined with scars, vertical and horizontal.
I told you I don't love myself.
He looked at me with tears in his eyes, and he drew a butterfly on me with the sharpie he kept in his pocket.
I hugged him again, taking in his scent of sweat and musk.
Someone tapped my shoulder and I turned around.
Calum.
My eyes went wide again as he pulled me in for a hug.
"You must be the contest winner." he laughed.
I nodded again. Still couldn't speak.
I pulled away and stuttered.
"I-I'm Zi-Zivian."
"That is such a cool name oh my god." Calum said, his eyes studying mine. "And I love your hair."
I blushed.
"Thanks. Ashton said it brings out my eyes."
"It does." someone behind Calum said quietly.
Luke.
He walked over to me, embracing me in one of his hugs. "Hi contest winner."
"Zivian. the coolest name ever." Calum said.
"Zivian? That is like, the best name I've ever heard."
Michael behind Luke.
My eyes went even wider than before as my heart sped up.
"Hi Michael." I said calmly, going to hug him. "My mom thought it was pretty, and she liked it."
"Well it's definitely an awesome name."
"Thanks."
"And I like your hair."
"Thanks again, Ashton said it brings out my eyes." I fluttered my lashes, flirting with him only slightly.
"It does. Very pretty blue eyes." He winked and took my arm. "So. What does this Zivian want to do tonight? We're in Tallahassee for a week, no show tomorrow, so we can stay out til whenever."
I shrugged.
"I don't know actually. I'm still in shock at the fact that I'm literally going to be with the love of my life for a night an we won't be having sex so I mean I don't really care what happens."
I cannot believe I just said that.
My face went red.
"Shit, I uhm, I. Uhm. Fuck."
"Such language for a woman of your stature." Ashton said in mocked offence.
We all laughed.
Mom came over to us then.
"Hi boys. You've met Zivian. I'm her mother, Andee." She shook all the boys hands then said 'fuck it' and hugged them as they laughed at her language.
~
We all went to their hotel which just so happened to be the one we were staying in as well, just on a different floor.
My mom went to our suite to get some sleep and told me to 'stay safe' and 'don't get too drunk.'
No promises mom.
As soon as the door was closed, Michael pulled out around a dozen beer bottles and told me to try just one.
I had five.
I was drunk off my ass with my favourite band.
It was heaven.
It's funny, though, I remember very little except the fact that I think I made out with all of them at least once.
We fell asleep around three in the morning.
And woke up at three in the afternoon.
I was cuddled between Michael and Ashton.
Fuck. Yes.
I stretched and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.
I felt a tingling in my lower region, then I saw the empty condom wrapper on the floor.
I freaked.
I shook Michael awake quietly and asked him about it.
He told me I slept with Ashton.
And he got a little jealous.
I don't remember any of that.
We were all too drunk.
Yeah.
I'm a bad influence.
That's why I don't have friends.
Or like myself.
"I'm so sorry." I said quietly. Our conversation went something like this:
Michael: it's fine
Me: okay
Michael: but kiss me anyway
He was obviously still a little drunk, he did have about three times as many beers as I did.
Me: okay
So we kissed. And that was it.
I didn't see any of them again.