In The Dark

All it takes

I

keep thinking a handful of pills is all it takes.

To get out of this awful place.

Just a handful of pills, then I fall asleep.

The depression has buried itself too deep.

All it takes to stop the thoughts in my brain.

Is one or two sharp blades.

Constantly stuck in my mind.

My life is constantly on rewind.

I can't step out of the past.

Missing things I thought would last.

Losing motivation in old interests.

But no one sees any difference.

Lashing out in anger for no reason.

And having nightmares so bad that I have trouble sleeping.

I can feel the hate for myself rise with each long night.

I can feel the hopelessness with each tear I cry.

I feel the loneliness creeping in.

Even with all the people I am surrounded with.

The unreasonable thoughts I hear.

Are filling my head with doubt and fear.

They watch me struggle without offering me a hand.

I swallow the pills ready to go to another land.

Laying on my back on the floor.

I stare at the ceiling until it's all a blur.

I watch the white disappear before my eyes.

I don't have the strength within me to cry.

The darkness takes over before I can protest.

Finally happy now that I've left.

But my eyes open once more.

I feel everything that I did before.

It all comes back ten times worse.

I've failed the one thing that could've broken this curse.

I thought a bottle of pills would be all it takes.

Though now I know it's only a brave face.