In The Dark

Past My Eyes

You ask me how I've been, I'll tell you fine.

You ask if I'm feeling okay, I'll lie.

You ask if anything's bothering me today, I'll say nothing at all.

You ask what's been up lately? But I can't let anything past these walls.

So many things have been breaking me down.

Im sorry but I just can't let them out.

I pull away from everyone I love.

Because soon I'll be what they get rid of

I'll cry in my room just so you don't see.

How every little thing is slowly breaking me.

I'll put on a mask to escape the day.

I'll do it so you won't see the pieces of me breaking away.

Every little thing is breaking me down.

But I won't let these feelings come pouring out.

I don't want you to know how I wish I were dead.

I'll just keep my thoughts inside my head.

I try to keep my head up and look at the sky.

But it's hard to see past the tears clouding my eyes.

I try my hardest to keep them at bay.

But no matter what I do, they never go away.

Everything has been breaking me down.

But I won't tell you even when I start to drown.

I'm sorry I can't be the person you thought I would be.

Cause all these thoughts are slowly drowning me.

Everyday is passing me by.

And everyday I make up a new lie.

No one really cares to ask if I've been doing okay.

No dares look past the facade I put up everyday.

Just look me in my eyes and there you will see!

I haven't been very good at hiding this disease.

No one sees how I've been breaking.

Cause no one truly cares if I am faking.

They don't care to look in my eyes.

And see the pain I've been trying to hide.

It's crazy how easy this is starting to be.

How easy it is to hide me.

I'm still paranoid all the same.

What if somehow they see inside my brain?

What if they hurt me more than I thought they would?

How would I get out, if I could?

What if they send me away?

It'd only add more to the pain.

No more lies, I am broken.

All these things are finally spoken.

I'm sorry I never said it before.

I thought It'd make you walk out the door.

Please hold me while I break.

And promise you'll never go away.

The days seem longer

The nights seem shorter.

I've been working past the anger inside.

I'm trying to get past the feeling to die.

I'm doing okay and I finally mean it.

I can finally say I'm no longer defeated

I'm slowly starting to become okay.

The thoughts are slowly fading away.

You never looked past my eyes.

But it's my fault for telling you lies.

I'm so relieved you've seen it now.

I'm no longer left alone to drown. 

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Hope you guys enjoyed this poem! I'm going to try and turn this into a song because I just love it so much. 

Until next time!

Love, Caitlin