In The Dark

Push it all down.

I push all my thoughts down,

Because if I don't I'll drown.

I can't feel the pain I know is there.

It gets too much for me to bear.

I'm scared to be left alone with the thoughts.

The anxiety ties my stomach in knots.

Left alone with the pain.

But I refuse to complain.

I keep it hidden all too well.

Locked deep in my brain in an impenetrable cell.

I haven't dealt with the pain just yet.

I really just want to forget.

Keeping my mind busy to avoid.

If I don't, I'll be destroyed.

I'm not happy with my ways.

Being stuck in a zombie haze.

I've gone numb to my emotions.

I feel like I am broken.

No motivation to get out of bed.

I'm always stuck inside my head.

Don't want to sleep because of the dreams.

I can feel myself tearing at the seams.

No longer interested in my hobbies.

Walking around like a zombie.

Up all night to be left alone.

So I can learn how to turn myself to stone.

That way I don't have to deal with it all.

And will never again feel small.

But I will never tell you anything I feel.

Because you don't think my depression is real.

I won't tell you how my hands shake when its mentioned.

I learned how to deal with my own depression.

The trick is to push it all down.

At least until my next breakdown.