In The Dark

I wish I could

So many things I wish I could do.

Like explain everything to you.

I wish I could say what keeps me up at night.

Or what helps me put up a fight.

I wish I could explain the pain I endure.

When I can't do simple things that I've done before.

I wish I could tell you why I can't make new friends

Or why I wish my life would end.

I wish I could show you the thoughts I have all the time.

And the strength it takes to say I'm fine.

I wish I could make you understand.

Why I always get so sad.

I can't tell you I don't want to go on.

Because you'll ask "how long?"

It's been years since I've felt okay.

But I still put on a smile everyday.

I wish I could tell you it all.

But I can't, it took too long to build these walls.

It takes everything in me to be here today.

I still fight the urge to take my life away.

I wish I could show you the scars I have on my body.

I wish I could show you what happens when I get lonely.

I wish I could get up on a stage.

I wish for once that I wasn't afraid.

I wish I could speak my feelings out loud.

And not feel lonely when I'm in a crowd.

I wish I could trust some people.

And not compare to the ones in my life that are evil.

I wish I could turn my heart off and my brain on.

I wish that when it came to being good, I wasn't a moron.

There's so many things I really wish I could do.

And I've kept every single one from you.

I wish I could get all those years back.

When I was too afraid to attack.

I'm so tired of fighting this world.

It's been so mean to me since I was a little girl.

I wish I could stop feeling like nothing.

Maybe make a name for myself and become something.

I wish I could fix who I am.

But I know that I can't.

I wish I could become strong.

And not always think of what I do wrong.

I wish I could be better.

But I've learned to endure this horrible weather.

I've become who I am because of the pain.

Now I no longer feel insane.