Sinner II Vmin

Comfort

Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted."... If he's so close, why can't I feel his presence comforting me?

    Walking inside the school building was always a miserable experience. Everyday, I deal with the scrutiny of my peers. Not only that, but the constant hell Yoongi puts me through. Neverending pain that I deal with, whether it be at school, church, or my own home. I ask God everyday, why me? When will the pain stop? But the answer never comes.
   I do feel guilty because of how distant I've become. I've never been an open book, but these past events have shut me off even further. It's just really difficult to be happy and lively when your life is a living hell everyday. I can tell Jungkook feels the cold energy I've been exuding and I can't help but be sorry. Since he's my best friend, I don't ever want to make him feel bad. Glancing towards the boy, I notice the pout on his lips and the sadness swirling in his doe eyes. We were at lunch and of course I wasn't eating. However, watching as the younger boy picked at his food, I realized how wrong everything felt. It's strange because he usually digs straight into his meals, with a wide smile.  "Are you ok?" That question was something that I hated hearing myself. Though, I didn't know how else to approach the moping boy.  He looked up at me with his innocent, wide eyes before responding.  "No. I have been feeling really down lately to be honest." One thing I love a ton about my best friend, is that he's so honest with how he feels. That's one trait I wish I could have from him.  "Same here, but that's obvious. Tell me exactly why you feel down?"  He sighs, "I feel like we are being distant from each other. Not even because we're mad at each other. But because of personal issues. You have to deal with that situation which makes me depressed because your pain is mine too. And things at home are not that great. Just allot is happening and it's so overwhelming."  Every word he spoke, I felt. We don't have a problem with one another, it's outside forces that affect us. Clearly, both of our mental health isn't the brightest right now. Honestly, I don't think my mental health has ever been a healthy  headspace. "I agree. And I want us to be like before but right now we're both going through things. The best thing for us to do is stay strong and be there for each other. No matter what." I declare, holding my pinky out for the other to hold. We both lock pinky fingers and promise to always stick together.
 
   Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever been truly happy. The closest I've come to happiness is when I'm around Jungkook. But even then, there is an underlying feeling of misery that I can not escape. Not only that but an unexplainable anxiety and fear of not being enough. He's the only person I really have that I can trust, and I don't want to lose that. I do have Taehyung but I can't fully trust him yet.
   "Park! Min junior is hungry, I think he needs to be fed."  I cringe at his choice of words and quickly try to scurry to my last class. Curse my short legs. Although I tried to run, I found myself in his steel grasp anyways. This time, instead of the restroom he pulled me into the Janitor's closet. It was the one near the part of the school people don't venture to often.
Struggling against him was always pointless, I lost every time. A flood of tears rolled down my cheeks and pleading cries rolled off my tongue. They weren't able to stop the boy though, he is a monster. As he thrusted into my body, his face wore a  sick grin. His eyes holding no type of emotion, not one bit. My cries got louder and louder, causing yoongi's hand to muffle my mouth. "Shut up, you don't want us getting caught do you?" His tone was mocking and he looked down at me as if I were absolutely disgusting. Eventually I was forced to clench my eyes shut, unable to hold that heartless stare for too long.  "Look at you. Beneath me where you belong, you worthless pig. You are lucky to even get dick. No one wants you. No one will ever want you, because nobody likes pieces of shit like you. Understood?" His words were unbearably malicious. How can one say such things about someone so easily? I would never be able to understand.  "I asked if you understood." Yoongi's stern voice, snapped me back into reality.  Meekly, I nod. After pumping into my body for a bit more, he finally stopped after his release.  Pulling out abruptly, Yoongi adjusts himself quickly. Without thinking twice he walks out, leaving me there shivering and sobbing on the closet floor. Butt sore, eyes puffy, and voice fried. I didn't even want to go to my last class. Then I would have to face Jungkook and explain to my teacher why I was late. Trust me, I would love to expose that devil. However, if I did no one would believe me. They wouldn't believe that the pastor's son was a quote, "disgusting sinner". 

     Checking my phone, I see multiple notifications. Mainly Jungkook and surprisingly Taehyung. 

Kookie🍪🐰 Jimin where were you last class?

Me I was just busy with something

  I don't know why I lied. Jungkook is my best friend, I should trust him. As soon as I step foot in my room, my clothes are immediately stripped off.  I draw a bath for myself, eager to scrub the remnants of Yoongi's DNA from my body. Sinking in the water, I don't realize that I zoned out completely. Thinking, I reflect on everything that happened to me. From when I was a child till now, I flipped through memories like it was a book. Unexpectedly, a sob broke from my quivering lips. What is gonna happen to me? Am I going to just deal with this my whole life? Maybe I don't have to deal with this. Subconsciously, I slowly started sinking down deeper into the water. Only my eyes and up were above the water. My breathe was running out and my brain was screaming, "Get up!" However, my body wouldn't allow it. A knocking sound on the bathroom door was what brought me back to my senses.    "Jimin-ah.". I recognize that voice. What was he  doing here?   "Uh, I'll be out in a minute. I'm taking a bath so give me a moment.".  "Oh alright, I'll just wait."
     After getting dressed, I went to meet the boy downstairs. He smiled as soon as our eyes met. Forcefully, I try to smile back as much as I could.  "Hey Taehyung-ah. What are you doing here?". The aforementioned shrugged. "I don't know. Kinda just wanted to check up on you." My eyebrows furrowed in confusion.  "Check on me?". I repeat, in question. The tall boy nods. My father was at work and so was my mother, so I felt a little more at ease with him being here alone.  "You seem so down, and you're even more closed up now. I really want to get to know you Jimin, but you won't let me. I get it, I'm new and new things can be hard to trust. But at least trust that I have good intentions. I wanna prove to you that I won't hurt you or anything. So please, please let me comfort you at least." The whole time he talked, my mind was racing a mile a minute. He does seem really genuine, but I don't know. What if he's putting on a front to gain my trust, only to break me in the end. Bad thoughts were ridden in my brain. Every word he said, was flipped and turned in my head. I am such an over thinker , it's insane.  "Taehyung, I want to trust you, I really do. But I've been broken so many times, I don't know if I can physically and mentally bear to be put into more pain." My voice came out weak, and pitiful. The other boy said nothing for a moment, and I glanced away from his stare. Suddenly, a pair of arms were wrapped around my waist which triggered me immediately.  "What are you doing?! Get off of me!" I yell, hitting his chest furiously. In a panic he pushes off of me. "Jimin, why are you screaming at me? I just wanna comfort you. What did you think I was gonna do?" Taehyung explains himself, a look of shock on his face. I felt my vision blur up, as tears clouded them.  "I-I'm sorry. I r-really don't like t-to be t-touched." My words were broken. I could barely speak properly, I was shaking so much.  "Something is wrong, very wrong." Taehyung whispers, more to himself than to me. Once more, he opens his arms.  "I'm sorry, I just want to make you feel safe. Please trust me." He pleaded, with his arms still open. I hesitate to walk into his embrace. He wraps his strong arms around me and I lay my head on his chest. I was still sobbing, while his large hand caressed my back soothingly. Maybe, he is genuine. Maybe just this once I can open up, but only a little.

A.N.~ oof, it feels like forever since I've updated this story. Hopefully you all enjoyed it. 💜💜💜