Sinner II Vmin

Underneath

1 Samuel 16:7, "People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

   We've been here for two days and I just realized how disgusting we are. I was so deep into my troubles I haven't bothered to shower, brush my teeth or anything. It didn't even occur to me that my clothes were beginning to smell like grass and dirt. I wasn't in this boat alone, Taehyung was just like me. "Taehyung-ah we need to shower." It's like a light bulb went off in his head from the way his eyes lit up.  "You're right. My mind hasn't even crossed that thought. If you want you could go first. I have some spare clothes around here that you could wear." Digging in a duffel bag, Taehyung pulls a few items before placing them in my arms.  "I usually have clothes here because of how frequently I stay here." Why does he stay here on numerous occasions? Is a question that repeatedly pops in my mind, however I always decide not to ask.

  "Here, you can use this soap, shampoo, and conditioner. Also, use this wash cloth. I put your towel right here." Taehyung informs me. "Thank you." Once the warmth of the water struck my skin I could feel the tenseness of my joints loosen significantly. I reveled in the pleasurable sting of the heat that it emitted. Gently, I scrub away the filth from my skin with the fragrant almond vanilla body wash. The natural rubescent flush that my figure naturally possessed became more apparent. My scars, old and new, were more apparent as well which made me more ashamed of my body. After washing my hair I stepped out, standing in front of the mirror. Using my towel I wiped the steam that clouded my reflection. Peering at myself there was a noticeable difference, I looked fresh. Despite my cleanliness I was reminded of many flaws that a shower couldn't fix. An example being the sickly pale cast on my skin, that being a consequence from my self sabotaging habits. A lack of nutrients can explain why my skin is absent of that certain healthy glow. Although I haven't been eating properly my frame is still not as slim as I would hope. Taehyung told me that I am too small, borderline unhealthily but I can't see it. Grabbing my towel I dry down my hair and limbs. He gave me boxers, a plain white t-shirt, and a pair of gray shorts that looked too big for my waist. A sudden wave of panic crashed onto me at the realization that he only gave me clothes that would expose my skin. I can't not wear them and I don't want to ask for different clothes because he would most likely ask questions as to why I can't wear these ones. Sliding on the boxers he lent me I put the shorts on right after. Just like I thought there was a gap between my waist and the shorts' waist band. The only thing stopping them from totally slipping off was my butt. Luckily, the clothing item had a draw string in the front so I used to adjust the waist band to a perfect fit. Pulling on the t-shirt I can't help but giggle. The top basically swallowed me whole. It stopped at my mid thighs. covering the shorts completely. Great, now I look like I'm not wearing any pants.  "Jimin! You good in there?" Taehyung asks from the other side of the door.  "Yeah. I'll be out in a minute." Lord, please help me. Everything is on display and it's garnering cynical thoughts in my mind. It's rare to see me in a short sleeve anything as it makes me feel insecure. The scars that littered my arms all over were disgusting and unattractive. They are a  daily reminder of how pathetic I am. Not to mention the fading ones on my thighs. I can't go out there and let Taehyung see me like this. He can't see what lies underneath, painful memories attached to every mark. What would I do if he truly sees all of the real hell I've tried so hard to lock away. He already found out about one thing, if he catches a glimpse of my tainted skin, he's bound to ask questions. And I don't want to ask for different clothes, I'm already a burden. He's done so much for me, my mind can't allow me to ask for more. Speedily, I walk out actively trying to avoid the other boy. "You can take a shower now." I say with a rushed voice. Sparing me a weird glance, he mumbles an "Ok." before heading off to the bathroom. Fortunately he wasn't really paying attention to me his focus was on his phone so he couldn't have saw anything. In the mean time I conjured up the great idea of wrapping myself in the fluffy, periwinkle colored blankets which concealed my figure perfectly.

   "Don't tell me you already plan on falling asleep. I have such an amazing activity we can do at this time of night." Taehyung whines, coming out of the bathroom dressed in comfy clothes.       "I don't know Tae, I'm pretty tired right now." I lie, accompanied with a faux yawn.  "You weren't tired before the shower. You'll enjoy this, trust me." The boy takes a hold of my hand, lightly yanking me up. It doesn't take him much time to realize the cause of my hesitance. Tears brimmed my waterline, threatening to spill at any moment. He stood there gawking at me. I couldn't tell what he could be thinking which commenced a thunderstorm of noxious thoughts swarming around my mind.  "Jiminie..." His voice trailed off. With hesitance he came closer, eyes glued to my quivering form. Impulsively, I turn away ready to lock myself away. A cold hand clutched tightly onto my thin wrist, yanking me back. His strong arms clenched securely around my small frame, trapping me.  "Let me go Taehyung!" I scream sounding psychotic, writhing around like I've lost my entire mind.  "I can't do that until you calm down Jimin-ah." His voice was calm and composed, completely contrasting my desperate sobs that hurled violently from my lips.  "I hate you! Why are you doing this? If you really care about me, let me go!" Every insult that I aimed at him didn't hold one ounce of truth, and he seemed to have understood that. Throughout my meltdown his composure remained unbothered. Nothing I said could pierce him. I couldn't crack, not even a sliver of the sturdy armor that protects his insides and that angered me.