Our Reflection

29• I'll Take You One Day At A Time

Toni Topaz POV

When classes ended at the chateau at around nine at night, I liked to stroll through the corridors, living with my own ghosts. 

With every step I took, the sounds of my jumping against the wooden floor resonated through the walls and formed what my grandmother used to call "melody of loneliness", it always made my grandfather laugh. 

My dear conductor, the man who taught me the power of music and what a simple composition was capable of doing with your subconscious. 

I rubbed my arms in an attempt to warm up and took the usual route to the oval performance hall, my favorite part of that newly renovated building by the worst person who has ever appeared in my life. 

Cheryl. Her name came out with a bittersweet taste in my mouth, making my tongue tap the tip lightly on the back of the upper teeth, set up a half pout and at the end, smile. 

"Cheryl ..."

I whispered with a sigh and rubbed my right temple to ward off the memories of troubled yet pleasant moments. 

She made me be bipolar, played with my brain, making the poor guy interpret his actions in different ways. Cheryl. 

An unusual name that combined with my desire to call her adjectives when I felt her touch run through my skin. 

The rising chill that made my hair stand on end as it approached, hissing like a snake prepared to strike. 

"Around her I was nothing but prey."

If I could go back, I would never have gone so far. 

The distance traveled since the twins entered my life was equated with the entire mileage of New York City. 

A tiring, difficult walk, which wore me out every time an emotional speed bump appeared. 

Marjorie and Cheryl represented the sudden stop that my senses car gave whenever I faced one of the two. 

The feeling was to pass two hundred kilometers an hour through intersections without signs. 

Who besides myself could control the steering wheel that gave me the direction of my emotions?! They. Only them. 

If it weren't for Marjorie, that nightmare would never have started. I can blame her for sure.

If I hadn't accepted her help, if I had listened to

Veronica when she advised me to sell the château before Cheryl showed up ... let's face it, Marjorie is not to blame, it was me all the time.

Perhaps the desire to shift responsibility for all the confusion over the past three months to Marjorie has left me a little too cowardly.

It had been me all along and I'm the only person who can stop it all, but ... what if I don't want to stop?

"Shit."

Swearing usually helped me to relax, I liked to yell bad words as clearly as possible, as if my problems could be exorcised in this way. 

Alone in that oval room, I cursed the twins, Veronica, the businessmen who came before to make offers for the chateau, cursed myself for being weak.  "Toni, you are strong, I know you are.", My grandfather's worn voice when he was in his last moments of life hit my eardrums and I took a deep breath not to shout that he was wrong. 

I felt my sanity elastic ready to burst and when that happened, it was for the music that I ran.  Unfortunately, my violin was at home and I only had the piano.