Strings (1 of 2)

Chapter 46 - Is This Enough?

[One week later]

Part of me wonders in moments like these, laying together in bed with the back of my head on Nathan's bare chest, if I will be able to leave in September and end this. As the days pass between us it gets harder and harder to imagine not doing this.

Not having him beside me at night.
Not seeing him smile.
Not feeling his lips on mine.

I want to believe that I don't have feelings for him, but I would just be lying to myself. And if I really want to be honest, I have been lying to myself for awhile.

Maybe for this entire arrangement.

Last weekend's date with Chris made it very clear. I had a seemingly perfect guy in front of me and I couldn't bring myself to do anything besides talk. There wasn't a spark between us that lit a fire in me like the one Nathan provides.

There is just something irresistible about him that keeps me coming back for more. It isn't just the sex, although that's an important part, but there's something more. We have a connection that I can't deny anymore.

But nothing changes the fact that I'm leaving and I can't give him more than this... more than me physically. I can't let myself dive fully in this and become more. It will be too hard to leave. Our arrangement now is already proving too difficult to even sleep away from for a night.

Does he even want more than this?

It's probably every guy's dream. No strings sounds like candy for men. No effort, no responsibility, reap the rewards.

Maybe he has other arrangements with other girls. I guess we never said we couldn't, I just never thought about it being an option...

My stomach drops thinking about him with someone else.

I stare up at the fan blades spinning on the ceiling, unable to get rid of this uneasy feeling.

His large hand resting on my bare stomach presses slightly firmer against me to get my attention, bringing me back from my thoughts.

"What are you thinking about?" His deep morning voice asks me.

I run my fingers over the back of his hand drawing shapes lightly on his skin.

"Emily..." he presses again.

I exhale a breath I didn't know I was holding in.

"Is this enough for you?" I ask him so softly I'm not sure if he could hear me.

"What do you mean?" His tone more serious now. I guess he heard me... shit.

I keep drawing on his hand so I don't have to turn around and look at him.

"Is this arrangement enough? Am I enough for you?" I don't want to say any more. I regret ever bringing this up now. What if I don't like the answer? I sigh. "Just forget it."

He stays silent for a few moments and I think he is going to drop the subject until he finally speaks.

"Yes." He links our fingers together over my stomach, which is currently filled with butterflies over those 3 letters.

"So you don't... um..." I shouldn't ask this.

"Don't, what?" He questions me, amusement in his tone. I'm so glad my embarrassment is so funny for him...

"Don't... uh... do anything with anyone else then? Any... um... girls I mean." I practically whisper back, embarrassed I brought it up. I have no right to ask this. We have no strings.

He chuckles softly, his chest rumbling under my head.

"No." He pulls his hand from mine. "When would I even have the time when we are like this every chance we get?" He says softly as he runs his fingers very slowly down my torso from just under my bra to the seam of my pajama pants, making my breath hitch in my throat. My skin tingles everywhere he touched me.

Even though I know I can't see him, I can feel him grinning. He runs his finger along my lower stomach tracing shapes like I did before on his hand. I think he might be saying something, but I can't even think about what it is with his hand there.

"Do you?" he asks louder, pulling his fingers away suddenly and placing them on his side on the bed. I already ache for his touch back.

"Wha... what?" I don't remember what we were talking about now.

"Do you want to see other guys, Emily?" his tone is more serious now, impatient, demanding an answer. "I know you said last weekend nothing happened, but are there others you don't mention?"

I get up and turn over, moving my right leg over to the other side of him to straddle his waist. His hands don't move from his sides. His eyes meet mine, searching for an answer.

"Would that make you jealous?" I tease, knowing the answer already. I know it's wrong to tease him since I just made him answer the same question and considering how upset I got over this in the past, but I like to rile him up a little bit. It's so much fun. He does it so much to me, it's only fair.

His lips turn into a frown - effectively answering my question. I knew it.

I pretend not to understand his expression, tapping my chin with my finger, pretending to be deep in thought. "Andrew at the coffee shop has been putting his number on my coffee cups every time I stop by... if it doesn't bug you I should probably call him for that date he promised." I giggle as his frown deepens.

"Actually there was Harry at the gym... we did a hot yoga class together and things got a little heated " I laugh harder as he scowls.

Ok, ok, time to put him out if his misery.

I cup my hands on either side of his face and look into his beautiful hazel eyes.

"No, Nathan. Only you. Last weekend taught me that." I finally reply as serious as possible so he knows I was lying before about my made up stories.

His lips slowly turn into a large smile as he grips my waist and pulls me down against him to kiss me.

The kiss deepens and his hands move down to my hips.

"Only us." He whispers against my lips and before I can reply he kisses me again, flipping us over so I am beneath him.

I drag my nails down his chest slowly as I kiss him harder.

Only us, he said...

I fought it for so long with him, trying to argue with his insane jealousy issues over Dean... and Jake... and Chris... the list goes on.

Maybe I shouldn't have fought so hard for my independence in this. Now that the two words were said aloud, it doesn't scare me as much as I thought.

Maybe this was inevitable.

His lips move to my neck and I smile knowing what is coming next...

Author's note:

Hey everyone!! Hope you enjoyed this chapter.

I love this "only us" moment so much! It was actually one of the first chapters I wrote and have been waiting so long to be able to post this! Most of it came to me in a dream months ago and I tweaked it a little to work in the story.

Hope you liked their cute moment!

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