Strings (1 of 2)

Chapter 21 - The Reason

I cannot handle anything else today.

I watch my phone buzz and ring until it finally goes to voicemail. I sigh and lean my head back against my pillow, closing my eyes, when it starts ringing again.

"What now?" I ask in a small defeated voice as I press the phone to my ear.

"Emily-" he starts but I cut him off quickly.

"I really can't hear anymore about how terrible I am, Dean... not tonight." I sigh and stare at my ceiling. "Please." my voice cracks as I can feel the tears welling in my eyes.

"You're not," he replies softly into the phone, a very different tone from earlier.

"Not what?" I ask, sitting up and scooching back against my headboard.

"Not terrible," he clarifies. "I shouldn't have spoken to you like that, it was too much." My eyes widen and I stare at my comforter in silence, unsure what to reply.

I listen to his laboured breathing as I think. The creaking of floorboards in the background sound like he is climbing his staircase. He must have just gotten home from dropping Ava off. Or maybe she is there with him. But something tells me he would not call me with her in the other room...

"No, you were right. I was overreacting." I admit, knowing deep down despite how upset I am about tonight I was the one who made it go from bad to worse with Ava. I could have ignored her... for Dean's sake. "It just really surprised me. Why didn't you tell me?"

He sighs into the phone. "I was going to, I didn't get the chance." I know he means Sunday.

"Is that why you called me Saturday?" I ask in a quiet voice, laying back down on my pillow.

"She's pregnant," he blurts out and sighs.

"What?!" My mouth drops open in surprise. I never actually thought that was true when I asked her earlier...

He stays silent, waiting for my full reaction. "Dean... how? I mean what? When?" I ramble as my head spirals. "That's why you proposed." I say as a statement, not a question. 

It all makes sense now. It doesn't surprise me that Dean would marry a girl he knocked up, however delusional that idea is, he is a good guy and that is what he thinks is the right thing to do. He would want to be there with the baby as a family.

"I called to tell you after she told me. To get your advice... you know me better than anyone else." he says softly and his words tug on my chest. "After... um after I saw you with... with him, I didn't want to bother you with this." He admits and I frown. 

Every time he brings up Nathan I feel a pang of guilt and my chest tightens, I can't turn it off. Is this what happens to everyone with their first love? It has been years since I left him but the spark between us doesn't fade, it just simmers in the background making me feel bad for moving on. It was easier when I didn't see him. I didn't have a reminder of what could have been, I could ignore it.

"You could have told me." I say, ignoring his mention of Nathan.

I can feel him smile through the phone. "I know. I wish I did... maybe you wouldn't have been such a bitch at dinner then," he says and starts laughing. I know he doesn't mean it offensively. If I didn't know better I would think he sounds almost impressed.

I shake my head and giggle. "I probably would have behaved the same." I say truthfully and he laughs harder. I hate that girl. Pregnant or not pregnant, she is still a bitch.

"You have not lost your edge over the years, Em. That's for sure." he chuckles, making me smile.

I hear the ruffle of bedsheets as he climbs into his bed.

"Oh my god! Guess who I ran into the other day?" he says excitedly, changing the subject and peaking my interest. "Daniella," he finally says after a dramatic pause.

I gasp and my eyes widen. "Greendale?"

"Yes! Remember the guy she left Matt for?"

"God... he was devastated." I say as I remember, shaking my head. He loved that crazy chick so much, he wouldn't accept it when I told him she was cheating on him. We got into countless screaming matches about her as I tried to get my blind brother to see the truth. One day, we were eating breakfast cereal together in the kitchen when he got the text from her that she wanted to break up to be with some drummer named Marcus. "I did warn him though..." I say giggling.

"We all did! He was so whipped he couldn't see it. Anyways, I saw her at a store with these two little kids. Turns out Marcus left her after she had the second one for another band groupie. She is the devastated one now." We both burst out laughing. It's probably mean to laugh at her expense, but she put my brother through the ringer... she deserves it.

My laugh turns into a yawn and I put the phone on speaker and close my eyes as I listen to his breathing, smiling.

I missed these times together. Even though he is across the city right now physically, it feels like he is back here beside me in my bed. Like the old days - cuddling, laughing, joking. Happiness I haven't felt in awhile.

"Did you actually get a job?" he asks, changing the topic again.

"You don't need to act so shocked!" I say and giggle.

"I missed that sound," he replies, echoing my own thoughts. "I'm happy for you. You love that place, it suits you."

"Thank you."

"Jake is a buddy of mine... maybe I can visit you there sometime?" he asks and I smile, my heart warming.

"Sure." I reply and yawn again.

My mind starts to fade further away to sleep as the silence stretches between us.

"Em?" he says softly, forcing me semi back to the present.

"Hmm?" I mumble sleepily.

"Would you have told me not to propose?" he whispers.

"Yes."

He exhales a sigh of relief... or sadness. I can't tell which. Maybe both.

"Why?" he presses further and I force my brain to stay awake for a minute longer.

"You don't love her." I reply and yawn. He doesn't argue with that.

"Is that the only-" his voice is cut off as my body gives up its fight against my tiredness and my mind slips into darkness.

---

I wake up to the sound of birds chirping and distant snoring. My eyes flutter open and see my phone on the pillow in front of my face still connected to the call with Dean. I smile and press the end button so he isn't woken up by my noise.

I scroll through my notifications and spot a text from Nathan. 

Why didn't you come over?

I groan loudly and throw the covers over my face.

Author's Note:

Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I love Dean ugh!

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Thank you for reading xoxo