The Ones For Him

|55|

A few days later...

"I feel confused with emotions, and I'm not even sure how I should feel about things lately. I don't feel like myself anymore and I've just been feeling really sad and mad a lot, lately." I blew my nose, then looked up at Dr. Martin. "I don't know, I guess I just feel lost."

He nodded and set the notebook aside. "It's normal to feel how you're feeling, especially after all that you went through, Xavier. Then the fact that some of your lovers are apparently not understanding you, is just stressing you out and you're just confused on how to feel. You're not sure if you should be upset with them, or if you should feel something else. You've been feeling overwhelmed, which isn't good for you. You're afraid that you've hurt or offended your lovers somehow, then you're still processing and healing from the things that happened to you. You're just going back and forth with yourself about how to feel, so it's stressing you out which is why you're suddenly acting this way. The emotions are slowly building up inside you."

I nodded. "But they still don't understand why I'm taking a break. I've told them multiple times that I just needed a break to focus on myself, and that I wasn't ending things with them, but they still don't get it."

Dr. Martin nodded, then tilted his head. "Not to upset you or anything, but you shouldn't be in a relationship with people who won't try to understand what you're going through. From my point of view, they sound selfish and I guess I would understand why they would feel a bit nervous after what happened after you left last time, but you've reassured them many times. You told me that you've barely even left your family's house, so there's nothing that should give them the idea that you would do bad things again."

I looked down and just shrugged. "I-I...I don't want to break up with them..."

"I know, but if you're getting stress added onto you in any way, I would suggest that it's best. Your mental health is more important than trying to save a relationship because you don't want to lose somebody that you loved. Many people go through that, and I know some people that are doing a lot better after cutting off toxic relationships with family, friends, or whoever. I'm not telling you to break up with them, it's just a suggestion so that you can start focusing more on yourself." He explained, and I nodded slowly.

He picked up his notebook, and wrote a few things down, then checked the time. "Our time is almost up, here is your new prescription..."

He handed me the yellow slip, and I took it from his hand. "The address is on the back. Just think about some things that could help clear your mind, ok?"

"Yeah..." I nodded and he gave me a small smile.

We got up and we finished the last few things. I left his office, heading outside and texting Jace to tell him that I was ready. I waited around ten minutes, sitting on the curbside and heard a car stop in front of me. Looking up, I recognized it being Jace's car and stood up, hopping in and putting my seatbelt on.

"How did it go?" He asked as he grabbed my hand.

"It was good. I feel a bit better and...somewhat ok for once." I looked out the window, feeling Jace squeeze my hand gently. "I do have to pick up another prescription, though...since I threw the other one out..."

Jace nodded, "We'll go pick it up, don't worry."

I gave him a small smile and told Jace where to drive, stopping in front of the pharmacy. While Jace waited in the car, I got out and waited in line until it was my turn.

"Oh, you're back." The same lady said, and I nodded.

"Some stuff came up, and I lost the bottle on a trip. Dr. Martin prescribed me a new dose, though." I handed her the yellow slip and she nodded, telling me to wait as she headed to the back.