not from around here | Zuko X OC

book three - | chapter thirty nine |

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️
-self harm (brief mention)
- minor eating disorder

It had been weeks since Zuko had broken Saki's heart with his betrayal and Azula had put Aang in a coma.

The gaang had invited Saki to travel with them and she stayed on the fire nation ship they had taken over. She hated staying there, everything in her room reminded her of him. The walls were covered in the same tapestries that he used to have on his ship. She had ripped apart everything that reminded her of him and left them lying around the room, but they were still there.

She hadn't bothered to move them from the floor, she would never admit this - not even to herself - but maybe she liked the presence of them. Maybe the brought her a sense of comfort and familiarity. Or maybe she didn't hate him as much as she should.

Over the past few weeks her mental health had spiralled dramatically. She had barely eaten in weeks and so felt too weak to do anything. This just made her feel even worse about herself.

At first, all she felt was sadness and anger. But now, she was completely numb. She didn't even cry anymore, just sat in silence, thinking it all over. Thinking over what she could have done differently.

There were sometimes when her mind was completely blank, nothing going on. Just silence.
It was a terrifying silence.

She had even gone back to her old habits.
It had been so long, she'd forgotten what it felt like. The way my skin split and bled. The relief of getting out my frustration. The relief of actually feeling something.

Lately all she wanted was to feel, she truly felt like she had lost everything, everyday she struggled to find a new reason to live. When the pull of ending her life tugged a little too hard she tried to sleep it off, like a temporary death, however she knew she couldn't run away forever.

After a while of skipping meals and staying locked in her room all day, Katara checked up on her to make sure she was doing okay.
Obviously she was not, but Saki told her she was fine.

Getting closer with anyone was the last thing Saki wanted to do right now, she knew no one wanted to be around her anyway, she brought the mood down and she knew it. Besides, the feeling of death creeping up at her made her want to know people less. It would be less weight on them if she did die. Everyday she wished she had died in those catacombs then and there. If she had died in those catacombs then, everything would be so much easier now.

The thought of death scared her a little but she knew it would be easy. It was a way of life, it was natural. Everyone's time came eventually, maybe it was her time now. It would make things work out more easily.

"I need a nap." She grumbled to herself. She'd gotten too lost in the thoughts of death again, she needed to sleep it off.

Right now she was sat on her bed, her knees pulled into her chest and her arms wrapped around them.
She slowly rocked back and forth, her eyes open and staring into space.

She slowly and rhythmically ran her fingers through her hair, which had gone down to her shoulders after Azula burnt it, but now had grown a little. The ends were still burnt, Saki hadn't bothered to cut it or fix it. It was also greasy from not washing it. She felt disgusting for not bathing in so long but the motivation to do so wasn't there, no matter how much she grabbed around for it.

She was snapped out of her trance by a knocking on the door. She didn't say anything and the door opened.

"Saki?" A voice echoed through the room. It was Sokka.
"We're gonna have some food, want some?" He asked, timidly walking into the room.
Saki shook her head.