Our Little Secret//lh

35 • the silence

Meredith's p.o.v
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"I was hoping we could–talk?"

I thought I had cried every last one of my tears in the past 2 days, but I could feel a few more coming on as Ashton stared back at me.

"Of course we can talk."

Ashton follows me into the kitchen and he sits down on one of the bar stools. I stand across from him on the other side of the counter. It was quiet between us for a moment or 2 before Ashton began to speak.

"I know a lot happened the other night at dinner, and I just—I want answers and I need you to be honest with me." Ashton says.

"I'll tell you whatever you want to know." I say quietly, hoping my cooperation would make this go smoothly. Ashton takes a deep breath, "How long were you hiding this from me?"

I bit my lip—the truth is I didn't really know. Maybe a month? A month and a half? Time felt like it flew by when I was with Luke. The days kind of blended together, I hadn't really thought about how long we were together. A tear fell down my cheek thinking of Luke and his contagious smile.

"I-I don't really know."

Ashton nods his head, "Who else knew?"

"Mason was the only one who knew and it wasn't even intentional, she just kind of caught on."

"What do you mean caught on?"

I bite my lip again, "She caught me sneaking back into the guest bedroom from Luke's room one morning."

Ashton sighs and rubs his eyes with his hands, "And you guys—had sex?" Ashton gulps. I nod my head, "Yes, but it was always—"

"I figured." Ashton cuts me off.

And the silence returns again. I was getting sick of the quietness that seemed to fall between Ashton and I.

"Do you love him?"

I look up at Ashton with tear stained cheeks, in complete shock, "W-What?"

"Do you love him?"

I laugh as tears fall down my cheeks quicker, "Do I love him? Is that even a question?"

Ashton looks up at me when I sniffle and finally takes in my heart broken appearance. His features go from hard and angry to soft and empathetic in seconds.

"I'm in love with him—so painfully and stupidly in love with him, Ashton."

Ashton nods his head slowly, "That's all I needed to know." He stands up and pushes the stool back in before making his way to the door.

"That's it?" I ask.

"What else do you expect me to say? You both lied to me. Why didn't you just ask me?"

"Ask you? I'm twenty-one years old—I shouldn't have to ask you who I can date, no matter if its your friend or not."

"Meredith, I'm not—"

"No—you listen to me now, Ashton. I ruined my relationship with the only guy who has ever let me be myself around him—the only guy who truly cared about me and my character rather than just my body for sex. I ruined the only relationship I was ever happy in because I broke your heart.

"I'm not saying what we did was right—the lying, the secrets, the sneaking around behind your back, and I'm sorry for that—but I won't apologize for the things I feel for Luke because there is nothing you can say or do that will ever make me stop loving him." I wipe a few fallen tears from my cheek.

Not a word was said after that. Ashton calmly made his way out of the house and shut the door quietly behind him.

I head to my room and begin to pack all of my things. Everything that wasn't being cleaned was being put into boxes, bags and suitcases. Tears fall onto the clothes I fold and put into the suitcases, my sadness yet again taking over.

I should have never came home—I should have stayed with Gwen and her family. I've messed everything up. My relationship with my brother, my friends—but I messed up my own heart in the process.

I sniffle before the sound of my bedroom door creaking open makes me spin around on the floor.

"Mere? What are you doing sweetie?" My mom asks, peaking her head into my room. Tears fall down my cheeks and I begin to sob.

Mom says nothing—she steps into my room and shuts the door before crawling to the floor with me and pulling me into her arms. She rubs my back while I cry into her shoulder, thinking of every mistake I've made in the past month and a half.

"I have to leave, mom."

She sighs, "I know—Ashton told me everything yesterday."

"Look at the mess I've made."

"Oh, my baby," she pauses and strokes my hair, "You shouldn't feel bad for loving Luke, but you know you shouldn't have lied to your brother—you and Luke."

I nod my head, "I know."

"But never ever feel guilty for loving someone—you have no control over that." Mom cups my face in her hands.

"If you need to leave, I support you, babygirl—always."

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