Speechless (Kurt Hummel x OC) Glee AU

CHAPTER TWELVE

Season 1, Episode 12:  Mattress

Ownership of Glee:  FOX, Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk

= = =

The New Directions were in the choir room when Kurt came in with a stack of yearbooks. "Where's Rachel?" He asks.

"She's not here yet." Finn answers.

"Perfect. Glee club stands on a delicate precipice. We have all felt the cold humiliation of a slushee in the face. But as of right now, our relative anonymity as a club shields us from more severe persecution: swirlies, patriotic wedgies..." Kurt lists off.

Mercedes is confused. "What's a patriotic wedgie?"

Finn smiles a bit. "It's when they hoist you up the flag pole by your undies." Violet glares at Finn, who shrinks into his seat under his friend's stare.

"Strangely, it did make me feel more American." Artie comments.

"Based on my investigation, I am of the opinion that a yearbook photo would only fuel the flames of anti-glee-club terror. I've done a little library research. Peter Gellar. Glee club second tenor, 1998. He can be seen here with both a drawn on Hitler mustache and rice paddy hat. Shortly after the yearbook came out, Mr. Gellar had a nervous breakdown. He is now the homeless man who sleeps in front of the public library." Kurt reveals.

Quinn's eyes widen. "Patches?"

"Patches." Kurt confirms.

Brittany looks down slightly. "He barks at my mom."

Kurt continues with his findings. "Exhibit B: Tawny Peterson, glee club class of 2000, seen here in her photo with a cartoon knife stuck in her head, in a macabre tableau that, in four years would prove eerily prescient. I think I speak for all of us when I say that not having to pose for a yearbook photo might be a blessing in disguise. I suggest not fighting Figgins' ruling." He says.

Will arrives. "Oh, hey, guys. Ah, looking at old Thunderclaps?" He asks, inspecting the yearbooks Kurt had brought in.

Artie nods. "It's really unsettling."

"And totally unfair. Hey, can I borrow one of these?" Will asks as he takes a yearbook from Kurt. "You know what? This year's thunderclap is going to have a glee club photo with every one of your smiling faces. You have my word on it." He smiles at the kids before he exits.

New Directions share uneasy looks... but Violet seems to be the only one happy to get a yearbook picture of Glee Club.

= = =

The following day at rehearsal, Rachel walks up to Kurt and Violet, who are sitting at the piano. "Kurt, I have a fantastic idea for a club that would officially make me the most involved student in the whole school. I want us to start a GayLesbAll."

"I'm sorry?" Kurt blinks.

"The gay-lesbian alliance. Gay-lesb-all." Rachel explains.

Violet face-palms. "He's bisexual, Rachel."

Kurt walks away just as Will arrives.

He smiles at the kids. "Hey, guys! Great news! Glee club gets a photo in the thunderclap." He informs. It seems that Rachel and Violet are the only ones genuinely pleased with this. The rest of New Directions respond with fake enthusiasm. Will smiles more. "Yep. It's going to show everyone at the school that glee club is on its way up. When we win regionals, those claps are going to be collector's items. I mean, all of your classmates are going to be begging for your autographs. But, I had to compromise to do it. Um, we only get a quarter page in back. Which means we have to pick two team captains to appear in the photo. So, tomorrow we're going to put it to a vote! Exciting, huh? All right!"